Well, long time no post I guess.  I hadn't intended to wait so long between posts but I wanted to post some updated hair pictures and it takes so long to load pictures onto my computer that I just procrastinated.  But alas, I got off my busy, but somewhat lazy behind and took an hour off of my life to load the pictures.  Sadly, I'm not joking, as my computer is old and slow.  I swear it has windows 1812 on it. 

So here are some pictures of  Grace's hair since I took her to an African-American salon a few weeks ago.  



This is here hair after we visited the hair stylist.  Her pony tails are much smoother than I was ever able to make them.



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This was taken after her first shampoo with the new products.  Her hair is much, much softer and fluffier than before and far easier to manage.

Another view of her fluffy hair



My first attempt at styling by myself.  I did pony tails and then braided the ponytails.  This was quite an accomplishment for me as I have no hair styling skills what so ever.

Little Braids.  I know my sister Amy would never  believe I did this without proof.

My first attempt went so well that I decided to get fancy.  Clearly, this didn't work out as well.  Have you ever tried to get a wiggly 17 month old to sit still while you tried to create a straight part?  If you have, then God Bless you because it's no easy feat.

My top ponytails were OK but the bottom two are wacky. 

 All in all, I am very happy with her hair.  I still need a lot more time to experiment but I am thrilled with the Moroccan oil.  Our hair routine is much shorter these days but the results are so much better.  Once I comb it the curls just come back to life.  I could not be happier. 

Life in general at our house is good.  We met with Grace's nutritionist two weeks ago and we had a great appointment.  She gained 1 1/4 pounds in four weeks which is the most she has gained in one month in the almost 10 months she has been home.  She is now 17 pounds, 2 oz.  The GI doctor put her on an appetite stimulant about a month ago to see if that would help her put on weight.  It seems like it's helping.  She is getting to the point where she is recognizing she is hungry and she is telling me (she knows the sign for eat).  She doesn't eat huge quantities but she is eating more and more often.  She is still on pediasure but she is drinking more than she was and that's really helping to to put on the extra calories.  She's still petite but I feel really positive that we're moving in a positive direction.

She is starting to talk up a storm.  Her favorite new words are Goo Gurl (Good Girl), Un-Koooool (Uncle), Yep (Yes), and Un-dan (understand).  She can point to all of the parts of her face except for the eyes.  I have no idea why but she always points to her nose when you say eyes.  If you ask her what a dogie says she pants and for a kitty she says mow, which really sounds adorable.  She also can make monkey, duck and cow sounds.  I know, she's a genius, don't be jealous. 

She is very affectionate and loves to snuggle into her mommy.  She loves to sing and laugh and read books. Her current favorite is called snuggle puppy by Sandra Boynton.  We read it about 37 times a day and no, I'm not exaggerating.  She can't get enough of it.  She now sits down with books and reads them to herself.  OK, well not really reading, but babbling and turning the pages as if she is.  It's so cute.  She loves to dance.  There is a music channel through our cable company that plays toddler tunes.  She loves that channel and she loves to dance to it.  When she wants to dance she will stand in front of the t.v. and will bounce up and down until I turn it on.  She is just so much fun.  She has developed this annoying toddler scream that she releases for no apparent reason.  I don't love that but we're working on it. 

Here are some recent pictures of her:



She loves to suck on her three fingers. 

I bought her a new hat for the winter and she wanted to wear it today.  However, she wouldn't wait for me to take off the tags or the mittens so she walked around the house like this. 

Guess she was worn out by her new hat and just had to stop and take a rest.

Hair

When I started the adoption process there was only one thing that terrified me at the prospect of having a daughter.  Hair.  I can't do my own un-remarkable typical straight white person hair.  How in the world could I possibly take care of an African daughters hair?  Fast forward to last August when I got my referral and saw my daughter for the very first time.  I'm the only person I know of who got a referral of a four month old with 4 little pony tails.  She had a head full of hair and my first thought was, well, I better learn how to take care of it.

About a week after I received Grace's referral, I bought five books on African/African-American hair.  Turns out that all five books went into great detail on how to style the hair, but there was no information on how to care for the hair.  At that point, I started looking at Ethiopian adoption blogs and I found a lot of tips about hair care.  I learned information about how often to wash, condition, etc.  But every persons hair is different so it was still hard to figure out what products to use.  I did some trial and error and I found some products that worked but the texture of her hair has changed and I have been worried that the products weren't right for her anymore.  I finally decided that I needed to talk to a professional who could help me with products, maintenance, etc. 

I had a card of a salon that my sister knew about but quite frankly, I was intimidated to call.  It wasn't like I thought they would be mean to me, but I was nervous that they would look at her hair and think this white woman doesn't have a clue about this poor baby's hair.  But in the end, I knew that what I don't know can ruin her hair and I want her to be proud of her gorgeous curly hair.  I know that hair is very important to African/African-American women and I don't want to do anything that could make her feel bad about hers.  So I bit the bullet and I made an appointment for today. 

So this morning we go to BB Hair Salon in North Billerica, MA.  This was the best hair experience I have ever had and I feel like a fool for not going sooner.  The women that worked there were so warm and lovely to Grace.  She isn't a big fan of having her hair fiddled with so she was a little apprehensive.  Plus, she needs a few minutes to warm up to people.  These ladies were really gentle with her and were so kind.  One of the women is from Africa herself, although I can't recall which country. I guess once I relaxed and stopped being so nervous I flaked out a bit After I talked to the stylist about what I needed she said "I really appreciate you bringing her in.  I know as a mom that sometimes it's really hard to admit when aren't sure how to do something for our kids."  She just really put me at ease.  I told her what our haircare ritual was and she said I was definitely on the right track but that we needed to use different products.  I asked a million questions and she was just so patient and answered every single one of them. She said we needed products with more oil in it since her hair really needs that.  So she put Moroccan oil in her hair and brushed it all out, then used some styling cream and put it into pony tails.  They just looked so much better than when I do it because I never got her hair smooth.  She has these ringlets at the front that I had stopped combing out because they got frizzy but they told me to go ahead and comb them.  She also said that I can use regular baby shampoo since she still has her baby hair, and gave me a shampoo she recommended that I use once a month for a good cleansing.  She said her hair texture is going to change again when the rest of her baby hair falls out and that's when she'll need a trim but for now we're back on the right track and now I have a place to go for styling, braids, or even just reassurance. They told me that they have about a dozen clients or so who are white and have African children. They also said I can call them any time with questions. If you need a hair salon for your child and you live anywhere near North Billerica, MA I would HIGHLY recommend this salon.  I can imagine us going to them for years. Tonight we used the new shampoo and I can already tell the difference with that and the Moroccan oil.  Her hair is so soft and it was so easy to comb through (with the new comb we bought).  Seriously, it's the best 45 minutes I have spent and I really wish I had done this sooner.  It's really important to talk to someone who can really understand how to care for their hair. 

So I am no longer intimidated about Grace's hair because I now have the tools to take great care of it.  I really should have done this months ago.  I guess I'm just a little slow on the uptake sometimes, but I think I may be learning my lesson.

What to think

Sometimes I just don't know what to call these posts.  This is one of those times. 

Several weeks ago Grace started saying dada. She never directed it towards anyone, at least not that I heard. It was really just the typical babble that most babies have.  Fast forward to this weekend when I was pretty sure I heard her referring to my brother-in-law Dennis as dada.  It was confirmed tonight when he came home from work and we were still up at their house and she stood at the gate when he walked in and yelled Dada!  Turns out that she's said this several times before and while we were on vacation she called my other brother-in-law Kevin dada too.  Now, I couldn't pick two better men for her to think of as father figures.  I adore my brother-in-laws and they are beyond wonderful to Grace and love her completely.  Since we live downstairs from my sister and brother-in-law, I was expecting that at some point she would call him Dada.  And it doesn't upset me, in fact, in some ways it makes me really happy because she knows that they are special and that she really loves them, so they must be like a daddy.  Plus, she hears them called daddy all the time.  But if I am being honest with myself, it makes me a little sad.  At 16 months she knows that other people have daddy's and while she doesn't yet realize that she doesn't that day is coming.  I wonder if she will feel cheated that she doesn't have a dad around.  I wonder if there will be a hole in her that just a mommy can't fill.  Deep down I know that I have filled her life with men who will fulfill that daddy role in many, many ways.  She has my dad, my two wonderful brother-in-laws, and wonderful uncles who I have no doubt we can and will call on in a moments notice.  But it probably won't be the same.  I knew all of this before I decided to adopt.  I thought long and hard about whether it was fair to a child to bring them into a family knowing that there isn't a dad.  Ultimately, I am comfortable with my decision and of course, hope that some day there is the possibility that I will meet a great guy that Grace and I both love.  But if it doesn't happen, I know we have great men to be role models and supports in her life.  But it still makes me a little sad. 

When I called my sister Amy to tell her about it, she asked me how I handled it.  I told her I said oh, Gracie, did you see Uncle Dennis?  Oh I bet you're so happy to see him.  She clapped and batted her eyes at him like she usually does.  I'm not going to tell her not to call him dada because she obviously feels very close to him and thinks of him as a daddy figure.  I don't want to discourage that and I don't want her to grow up thinking it's wrong to think of him that way.  So we'll keep referring to him as uncle Dennis and if she calls him dada for a while it's OK, with him, with Grace and with me.

Summer Fun, Friends and Family

What a fun summer we've had.  We had a great vacation, visits with friends and family and just lots of good playtime.  I was lucky enough to have Fridays off for the summer and I have loved having the extra full day to spend with Grace.  Sadly, tomorrow is our first Friday back, but it was great while it lasted.

Last Friday we had a play date with Ermiyas and his mom at a great play ground.  Ermiyas' parents and I were in the same travel group and while we live pretty close to each other, it took us a while to make the schedules work.  But it was worth the wait.  Ermiyas is a lovely, sweet, outgoing boy and he was beyond sweet with Grace.  While she was contemplating going down the slide he stood at the bottom and said "Gracie, I catch you, I catch you!"  Don't they look adorable? 

We also had the pleasure of a great visit with my friend Brenda and her family.  This was Brenda's first time meeting Grace and introducing her to her son Thomas who is almost 15 months.  He and Grace had a lot of fun together and got along well.  We went to the aquarium and did some sight seeing and just had a lot of fun together.  Below is a picture of the two of us and our babies.  It's hard to imagine that 20 years ago we were in college and having fun and here were are now raising our kids together.  How lucky I am so be able to do this with her.  I just wish they lived closer. 

We also got to spend last Friday night with my aunt and uncle and cousins.  It's rare that every one's schedule jives at the same time but it worked out that most of us could get together and we just had a great time.  My aunt and uncle gave Grace a little tike's slide that has made the rounds in their neighborhood and they thought she might get a kick out of it.  Wow, were they right.  She LOVES that slide.

Grace is walking really well now.  She isn't crawling at all anymore and just loves to walk everywhere.  As you can imagine, she is into absolutely everything but she's so much fun.  She's like a little parrot repeating everything you say.  She soaks up everything like a sponge.  She is doing really great.  As usual the only concern is her weight.  She is currently 15 pounds 14 0z which for a 16 moth old is on the small side.  Of course, she gets mistaken for a 9 month old and twice I have been stopped in a store only to have the other person tell me they thought she was a doll.  Not that she looked like a doll but that they thought I had a doll sitting in the front seat of my carriage.  I know she's small but she certainly isn't quiet and really, who walks around Target with a baby doll in the front seat of their carriage?  Well....two people think I do.  Her GI doctor has put her on an appetite stimulant to see if that will help her gain faster.  So far I would say that I see a small improvement but I'll wait until we see the nutritionist in a few weeks to be sure.

I look forward to enjoying what's left of the summer but I am really looking forward to the fall.  Did I mention I bought her Halloween Costume?  Yup, I'm that person that you're thinking about when you see costumes in August and think who is crazy enough to buy a costume now.  And now you have your answer...her name is Beth.  But in my defense, I had a specific costume in mind and I needed to make sure I got the wright size.  Can you guess what she's going to be?  I bet you can!

Referral-Versary

One year ago today I saw this face for the very first time.

I must have looked at those pictures at least a hundred times that day.  I still remember every detail of the day and the phone call telling me that I had a daughter.  I remember running up and down the hallway at work telling everyone that the long awaited call had finally come.  My co-workers ran back with me to look over my shoulder as I showed her picture on my computer screen.  I remember calling my sisters and e-mailing the pictures and crying with them.  I was in such a fog I didn't realize that there were actually two pictures that were sent with the referral information. Thank goodness for my sister Amy who mentioned it to me.  I remember calling my dad and hearing the overwhelming excitement in his voice.  I remember meeting my family for dinner that night and my step-mom had already loaded her picture onto her phone.  It was a fantastic day, a fantastic feeling.  After all the angst and uncertainty and waiting, I finally knew who my punkin was.  To me it was finally seeing who I had been hoping, praying , wishing and working towards for so many years....my child.

I know that the process and emotions are different for every family.  When I first started the process I requested a child of either gender, 0-24 months.  Based on the wait time and trends at the time I got on the waiting list, I assumed it was more likely that my child would be a boy in the 18-24 month  range.  I had absolutely no preference but again, I thought it would be a boy.  When I got the call I was shocked and thrilled to learn that the punkin was a four month old baby girl.  The moment I saw her picture it was clear to me that she was the child I was waiting for.  I loved her instantly and to be quite honest, it scared me a little. It's a strange feeling to just give your self over to another person you've never met and have no idea how they will accept you.  At the same time, I just knew it was right.  She is supposed to be my daughter, I am supposed to be her mother.  The circumstances that brought us together as a family are tragic.  I think about her birth family daily, but especially today.  Because of their love for her and their  desire for her to have more than they could provide, I have a beautiful, funny, sassy, head strong daughter who is napping in the next room.  I have more than I could have ever hoped for.  I'm rich beyond words and not in the monetary sense but in all the ways that really matter. 

The day I got her referral was the best day of my life to that date.  I couldn't imagine that it was possible to be more excited and thrilled than I felt at that moment.  Now here I am a year later and I still feel that way.  Even though parenting is not easy and it definitely comes with bouts of uncertainty, I thank my lucky stars that the stars aligned and we ended up together

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Today, we took this picture.  I think we make a pretty good pair.

Back to Reality

Well, we're back from two weeks in Colorado and I have to say, we had a fantastic trip.  Grace did really well on the flights and she just adapted so well to all the changes and new people.  She had an absolute blast with her cousins and met some extended cousins(my brother-in-law Kevin's family).  She also decided that there was something about the air in Colorado that made her want to walk and she took her first steps the day we arrived.  She is now taking about 8-9 steps at a time but is still crawling a lot since it's faster.

We had so many fun things happen on this trip.  Grace and I were able to rent a car and drive to Pueblo to meet up with my dear friend, and former college roommate Amy and her delightful daughter Olivia.  Amy and I haven't seen each other since she moved to Kansas about 8 years ago.  Olivia was a baby the last time I saw her and it was such a treat to see what a wonderful young girl she has become, not to mention that she is cute as a button and reminds me SO much of her mom.  It was so great to see them and it was a joy to introduce them to Grace.  It's amazing to see how our lives have progressed but I'm so glad that we're still friends after all these years.  So many of my favorite college memories are wrapped up in Amy. 

Our first week in Colorado was spent in Denver so I could attend a conference.  My sister Amy and her family drove in from California to watch Grace while I was at the conference and she had so much fun with them.  The second week was spent at an amazing house in the mountains in Breckenridge.  I swear Colorado is the only place I could imagine leaving New England for.  We spent the week with both my sisters and their families and my brother-in-laws family and it was so much fun to get all the kids together.  They all got along as if they had been together for years.  It was so much fun for them to see Grace and she just loved them all.  The highlight of her vacation was getting my nephew Nate to play his ring tone over and over again.  It's Justin Biebers song Baby.  I don't get Justin Bieber, but clearly my daughter does because every time he played it for her she got down with her bad self. 

Jones, Flaherty and Walsh kids

So, you know my beautiful, tiny, 15 pound, almost 16 month old daughter?  Well guess what?  Turns out she is a bit of a bully.  She took out a 5 year old at a play area at the Pueblo mall and a 15 month old who was 10 pounds heavier than her at the Denver Science Museum.  While there is a part of me that's Glad to know she won't let people intimidate her because of her size, I am hoping that she doesn't wind up in juvenile detention before she's five.  I did not witness the episode at the science museum but she was apparently playing at a children's area and she fell in love with this fish named Poppy.  She visited Poppy and then crawled away.  These two other little boys went up to the tank to see Poppy and Grace made a bee line back to the tank except there wasn't really room for her.  However, she managed to squeeze herself in, then pushed her bottom back and knocked over the two little boys.  Yeah, a delicate flower she's not.  The incident at the mall involved a mirror that she was looking in and then she crawled away from.  She then sees a five year old, yes a FIVE year old, out of the corner of her eye playing in the mirror.  She makes a beeline for him and before I can catch her she takes her right arm and sideswipes him, knocking him over.  I think the poor kid was stunned that he was taken out by a baby.  Needless to say she was reprimanded and we left the play place which resulted in the mother of all fits.  Yeah, gotta love this age.  Where is the chapter in all the baby books that talks about your tiny baby bully and how to keep her out of jail?  Seriously, I kid when I say that.  I know it happens with most kids and while I'm glad to see she won't likely be pushed around by other kids, I certainly don't want her pushing them around.  Ahhhhhhh.... the joys of mommy hood.

Grace looking at Poppy the fish

The only down side to our trip was that my nephew Nate had to have an emergency appendectomy on the Wednesday of our second week.  Poor kid was most looking forward to having all his first cousins together and about 15 minutes after they arrived he had to be taken to the emergency room.  I'm happy to say he's doing well after two days in the hospital and surgery.  He's such a trooper.  Most kids would have been complaining and he was worried that he was ruining every one's vacation.  We're so glad he's OK now.

Nate headed into surgery

Well, that about it for now.  Will post again very soon.

Rocky Mountain High

On Saturday Grace and I are heading for the mountains, the Rocky Mountains and we can't wait.  I have a work conference in Denver for a couple of days and my sister Amy and her family are meeting us there.  They will watch Grace when I am at the conference which is fantastic.  Amy's in-laws live in Colorado and will get to meet Grace in person for the first time.  After the conference my sister Kate and her family will fly in and all the families will spend a week in Breckenridge.  You should see the house we're renting.  I know I won't want to leave.  I'm looking forward to reading good books, having coffee on a deck over looking breathtaking mountains, great conversation and lots of fun with my girl.  So we'll check in soon with a full report.