Three Years Ago

When I woke up on Friday, August 7, 2009 I was a single woman, working professional, sister, friend, aunt, daughter, co-worker, book worm, music lover. The one thing I wasn't was the title I had longed for most for as long as I could remember.  I was not a mother.  I was 14 months into what was supposed to be an 8-12 month wait for a child.  I usually woke up anxious every morning but that morning I wasn't.  I certainly didn't suspect that my entire world was about to change but for one welcome morning, the anxiety had subsided.  I walked into work as me and I walked out 8 hours later with a colored printer picture of this gorgeous face and the realization that I was a mother.

I had three thoughts when I finally saw her face for the first time.  

1. She's gorgeous

2. My poor baby looks absolutely terrified

3. She has pony tails.  She's four months and she has enough hair for pony tails? I'm in trouble

This was the picture that made me realize that there was such a thing as love at first site.  I know that everyone has different emotions when they see their child for the first time but there was nothing mixed about what I felt.  The second I saw her I was her mother.  There was not a question in my mind that this was my child and that I loved her with everything I had.  Call me sappy, call me sentimental, naive, crazy, but that's what I felt.  I also felt a tremendous responsibility to her birth family.  There isn't a day that goes by that they are not in my thoughts.  I can't really remember my life before her and they have to live theirs without her.  I think about that in every decision I make for her.  I owe it to them that I get to raise this incredible girl and I don't take that for granted. Since I never know if they get all the updates I send, I send a little prayer out every so often to them that she's safe and loved and healthy and that we love them and pray for them. I hope they get those too.  

I will never know why I was lucky enough to become the mother of this little girl but every night I thank my lucky stars. On this night, I thank them a little bit more.