So could May be my lucky month? Is this the month I find out who my punkin is? I certainly HOPE so but I don't think it's realistic. Of course, I have been unrealistic in all my other expectations so why start now. Anyway, referrals this month have been slow and I'm just not sure I will hear anything this month. My dad and step mom are convinced it's happening this month(from their lips to God's ears I say)so let's hope they're on the money.
This has been a rough couple of days for me. Today is the 7Th Anniversary of my Mom passing away. I have to say that it's been the hardest one to deal with so far. I was talking to my friend Karen last night trying to figure out why and she made a great point. This is the first anniversary where I have been about to become a mother. Everything about me is much more emotional than usual so it's no wonder I am feeling this day more than before. I mean, it isn't like I don't miss her all the time but I think with impending motherhood her absence is just much louder than usual. I believe that she knows what's happening and she would be delighted but I still wish she could meet him or her.
Yesterday I went to my nephew Kyle's First Holy Communion. Kyle is my friend Karen's son. Kyle is a bright, sweet, terrific kid and the older brother of my god daughter Erin. Erin will make her communion next year. As I was sitting in the pew waiting for it to start I started day dreaming about what kind of outfitthe punkin would be wearing next year to Erin's communion. I had him pictured in Khaki pants, a teele blue long sleeve oxford shirt and an argyle sweater vest with complimentary colors in it. I then realized he could be a she so I pictured her in a light blue sun dress with daisy's on it with a cute white sweater and white buckle shoes with little bows on them. I didn't day dream about his shoes because let's face it, it doesn't matter as much to a boy, but the girl needs the full ensemble. I will probably look back on this next year and think, can you imagine that I actually had a free moment to day dream about such things? But for now, it's about the only thing I have to do. The waiting is just so hard. And I stink at being patient. I guess part of becoming a parent is learning your faults. While I know I am patient with children, I'm not patient when waiting for something I really, really want.
So, there is nothing new on the adoption front. I checked in with my agency this week and they shared examples of what the referral paper work would look like. My first thought was, hey, this means a referral is acoming quickly, my second thought was to learn that they seem to be sharing this information with most families so I'm probably still a couple of months away. But either way, it was great to see the paperwork and to have something else to focus on. I actually think it was very positive for my psyche.
I'm looking forward to a weekend away. I'm leaving Friday to go to my friend Brenda's baby shower. She and her husband are expecting a baby boy in June and I'm looking forward to celebrating with them. And at least there is one baby I can buy stuff for and that was fun.
Tonight I am going to attempt something I have never done before. I am going to try to watch a Bruins game on TV from start to finish. I'm not a big hockey fan but I believe in supporting all my home town teams so I am going to try to watch the game. Hockey is a little too fast paced for me. I have a hard time following the puck. The only way I know the goal has been scored is when they're all hugging by the goalie. I've never been fast enough to catch the actual goal being scored. So this should be an interesting endeavor for me. I think we should take bets on how long I make it before I switch over the the Sunday night movie on the Hallmark Channel. Well, either way, GO BRUINS!
