Growing Up

I'm amazed at how fast time is passing. One minute I had this tiny baby and now I have a big, almost 3 year old.  It seems like if I blink she changes.  It's really remarkable to look back on where she was and how far she has come.  This time two years ago I was just beginning to realize what a long road we had ahead of us in terms of her weight.  Of all the things I planned for, researched and worried about, Gracie gaining weight was not one of them.  I heard so many stories of how most kids come home and really pack on the weight once they start getting the nutrition they were lacking.  Before I left to go to Ethiopia I assumed we would come home, she would have a couple of parasites and once they were gone the weight would come.  Except in Grace's case that didn't happen.  There were no parasites (and yes, of course I was happy about that since I know how much havoc they can reek).  Then there was the feeding tube.  I knew she had been on one prior to traveling but when I arrived I learned she had been on one for longer and more frequently than I thought.  But again, we'll get home, she'll get what she needs and she'll put on the weight.  And she did gain, but it was much slower than I ever anticipated.  She had to learn that eating can be a fun experience, especially if it's coming through your mouth and not your nose. I still see some effects from the feeding tube.  If I have to suction her nose out, she fights me like crazy because she is terrified whatever is going in her nose won't come out without her fighting.  Sr. Tirhaus, the nurse at horizon house told me she fought them like crazy when they put the tube in and they had to restrain her arms (gently) because she pulled it out several times a day.  Even at 8 months and 11 pounds she was feisty! And man, that hasn't changed.  And let me be clear, I have no criticism for the feeding tube being put in.  In fact, I'm so grateful that she was able to have that kind of care when she clearly needed it.  I just had no clue what a long process it would be.

Grace had more doctor appointments in the first 6 months of being home than I had in the last 15 years and that's no joke.  Every appointment caused huge anxiety for her.  Even a simple process like being weighed and measured was traumatic and taking blood required me criss-crossing my arms over her chest and arms and two nurses to draw the blood.  And then when a doctor actually examined her, well that was full body shaking and sobbing.  It was awful and it happened every appointment for the first 18 months.  Then it slowly started to improve.  Last week I had a doctor appointment and had to have blood drawn.  I took Gracie with me.  I told her that mommy goes to the doctor too and sometimes it seems scary but it isn't.  I explained everything that was happening and so did the very nice lab technician.  After my blood was drawn and they put a band aid on she said "mommy, you hurt? You have big owie?" I said no, it was a little pinch and  a little owie.  Then she said "you didn't cry." I said yes, mommy was brave and didn't cry.  Fast forward to yesterday.  We went to see our new GI doctor who I love, love, love!  I explained before we got there what was happening like I do every visit, thought most days it doesn't help.  We talked about how she would stand on the big kid scale and they would measure her too.  Then the doctor would listen to her belly but it wouldn't hurt and he just wanted to help us keep her nice and strong and healthy.  I do this every doctors appointment, and they usually all end with her screaming and hysterical.  But not yesterday.  Yesterday she sat on the floor next to the scale and took off her boots like she was asked to.  Then she was asked to step on the scale.  She looked at me for a second and I could see she was shaking a bit but she stood right on that scale.  And then she stood still to be measured just like she was asked.  Then she stepped off the scale and said "mommy, no hurt! I brave too!" I nearly burst into tears I was so proud.  Then we sat in the exam room and we talked about the doctor listening to her belly and what her belly would say.  She said "my belly gonna say, gurgle, gurgle, gurgle, HELLO!" The doctor came in and we talked for a bit and he got up to speed on her case and when it came time to check her belly she let out a tiny little whimper and let him listen with no crying, screaming or wiggling.  It was mesmerizing to see all of this kick in for her.  It was like she was finally at ease enough to be able to listen to what we'd been talking about and now she's able to comprehend it.  She had blood taken and it only took me holding her and one nurse to get the 4 vials of blood.  She cried a little bit and when it was done she said "mom, I cry. I not brave?" I said oh Gracie, you are SOOOOO Brave! Crying a little bit is OK because it pinches.  On the way to the car she said "mom, that not scary. The doctor nice".  As we drove off to get a celebratory hot dog I couldn't help but think about how brave she's been all along.  Even when you adopt an infant, they have things to process. They have emotions to work through and she has been brave this entire time.  Except now she knows it.  She's extraordinary.

Yesterday, after almost 27 months of being home, she made the US growth chart.  She's slightly above the 3rd percentile.  I spent so much time and energy worrying about her weight, especially in the first year.  I used to go into every appointment praying that this would be the one where she was finally on the charts.  But about two months ago I stopped worrying about it so much.  I think it's because I have seen her appetite really improve.  She asks to eat rather than me constantly asking.  She realizes when she's hungry and if she is, she eats.  If she's full, she stops.  So yesterday, I never even thought about being on the charts.  Until the doctor told me he was really pleased with her gain and she's on the charts.  I was surprised and happy, but really, it's not as important as I thought it was.  She's healthy.  She's super smart.  She's funny, she's musical, she's impish and she is so, so brave.