So, I can't post pictures of Grace because we haven't passed court yet, but if you haven't seen her picture yet trust me, she is just lovely. She has enormous eyes and gorgeous long eyelashes that curl a bit at the end. She has a sly little smile that's a mixture of sweetness and fun. She has big feet (in comparison to the rest of her) and she has a head of hair that most people would die for. She had so much hair that in her referral picture she has three little pony tails. I received updated pictures from two families last week and in all the pictures her hair is full and lovely. She looks really well cared for, happy, healthy and loved. Pretty much everything I could hope for aside from being told I can go pick her up.
To prepare our impending trip I have had my first set of travel shots and I go back at the end of the month for the next round. My sister, step-mom and I sent away yesterday for our Visa's. They're good for two years so there's no problem with getting them now. I'm starting to think about the things we will need for the trip and what sort of donations I should bring. I have read through all the travel information that my agency provides to prepare you for travel and there's still things to do to keep me busy.
One of the things I need to start on is the photo album for the birth family visit. I haven't really talked much about Grace's birth family and I definitely won't give any explicit details here on the blog but she does have a living birth parent that I hope to meet when I am in Ethiopia. My agency supports and arranges for a birth family visit should the parent or family member relinquishing the child want one. If her family is willing, which most are, I will travel with my sister Kate to their village to meet them. My step mom can't go because she can't get the yellow fever vaccine so she will stay in Addis. We'll travel to the southern part of the country where Grace is from and meet with her family. The only thing I am able to give her family is a photo album. I am making copies of all the pictures I have received of her to date to include as it's likely they have no photos at all of her. I will also include pictures of her room, our house, our church and the school she will likely attend. It will be my way of showing her family that I can provide what they hoped for when they relinquished her. They wanted her to have a happy life and a good education and I will spend the rest of my life making sure I keep that promise. I am also allowed to write them a letter and to be honest, I don't even know how to begin. How do you thank someone for having to make a choice that no parent should have to face. In a perfect world they would have been able to raise her themselves but life is not always like that. I can't imagine what it has to feel like to know that you can not provide the most basic of needs to your child. What it must feel like to love someone so much and yet know that love is not enough for them. That they really would be better off with another family even if that means they go to another country. What must it be like to have to sacrifice a piece of yourself in order to do right by your baby? My guess is that part of your heart never fully heals. Imagine the kind of strength you have to muster to be able to do this. And then imagine that you're going to sit face to face with the person who will raise her and love her. What will they think of me? Will thinking of Grace always bring them sadness or will they be able to take heart in the fact that she will have a good life with another mother, another family who will love her with everything they have. Will they be able to answer the questions I ask so that I can tell Grace about them as she grows older? Or will the pain be too fresh? And what will they want to know about me? This birth family visit will be the most difficult, and hopefully rewarding experience of my life. I believe it will be the best gift I will ever give Grace. It will be a small glimpse into her history. An opportunity to see her family on video(assuming they allow me to tape it) and to hear their voices and know in their own words how they loved her and what they wish her life will bring her, how they would like her to remember them and perhaps a little snippet of who they are. It's overwhelming to think about this part of the trip. To be honest, having the opportunity to meet with the birth family was one of the major reasons why I chose to adopt through Ethiopia. I don't want her first family to be a mystery to her and I think I owe it to her to give her as much information as I can and then allow her to receive it when and in the manner in which she is ready to hear it. The sacrifices her family made is what has allowed me to become her mother. That's a gift and a responsibility that I do not take lightly.
Since I requested a child of either gender I really didn't know if it would be a boy or a girl, but I suspected I would get a boy in the 18-24 month range as it seemed at the time I started the process the wait was a little shorter for the upper end of my age range and it just seemed like a boy was more likely. But the moment I got the call and knew she was a girl and then I saw Grace for the first time, it was clear that she was meant to be my child. Telling people about my daughter seems like the most natural thing I've ever said. I have her picture in every room of my house, sans the bathroom, and I sit in her room every night and talk to her, even if it's just for a moment. It makes me feel close to her. I feel so lucky and joyous and yet at the same time, I ache for the family that loves her enough to let her go. The emotions that come with adoption are ones that I have great difficulty expressing. It brings tremendous joy and profound sorrow for everyone involved. I am lucky to be on the receiving end of the most amazing gift ever but the task ahead of me is to provide her with all the love, support and opportunities that I can. It's the very promise I make to her family and I will fulfill it no matter what. I will do it because I can, because I am able to, because I love her more than I can say. And while I will be the physical parent, she will carry them with her forever and we'll embrace and be grateful for that every day that we have.
