I must have looked at those pictures at least a hundred times that day. I still remember every detail of the day and the phone call telling me that I had a daughter. I remember running up and down the hallway at work telling everyone that the long awaited call had finally come. My co-workers ran back with me to look over my shoulder as I showed her picture on my computer screen. I remember calling my sisters and e-mailing the pictures and crying with them. I was in such a fog I didn't realize that there were actually two pictures that were sent with the referral information. Thank goodness for my sister Amy who mentioned it to me. I remember calling my dad and hearing the overwhelming excitement in his voice. I remember meeting my family for dinner that night and my step-mom had already loaded her picture onto her phone. It was a fantastic day, a fantastic feeling. After all the angst and uncertainty and waiting, I finally knew who my punkin was. To me it was finally seeing who I had been hoping, praying , wishing and working towards for so many years....my child.
I know that the process and emotions are different for every family. When I first started the process I requested a child of either gender, 0-24 months. Based on the wait time and trends at the time I got on the waiting list, I assumed it was more likely that my child would be a boy in the 18-24 month range. I had absolutely no preference but again, I thought it would be a boy. When I got the call I was shocked and thrilled to learn that the punkin was a four month old baby girl. The moment I saw her picture it was clear to me that she was the child I was waiting for. I loved her instantly and to be quite honest, it scared me a little. It's a strange feeling to just give your self over to another person you've never met and have no idea how they will accept you. At the same time, I just knew it was right. She is supposed to be my daughter, I am supposed to be her mother. The circumstances that brought us together as a family are tragic. I think about her birth family daily, but especially today. Because of their love for her and their desire for her to have more than they could provide, I have a beautiful, funny, sassy, head strong daughter who is napping in the next room. I have more than I could have ever hoped for. I'm rich beyond words and not in the monetary sense but in all the ways that really matter.
The day I got her referral was the best day of my life to that date. I couldn't imagine that it was possible to be more excited and thrilled than I felt at that moment. Now here I am a year later and I still feel that way. Even though parenting is not easy and it definitely comes with bouts of uncertainty, I thank my lucky stars that the stars aligned and we ended up together
Today, we took this picture. I think we make a pretty good pair.
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