What to think

Sometimes I just don't know what to call these posts.  This is one of those times. 

Several weeks ago Grace started saying dada. She never directed it towards anyone, at least not that I heard. It was really just the typical babble that most babies have.  Fast forward to this weekend when I was pretty sure I heard her referring to my brother-in-law Dennis as dada.  It was confirmed tonight when he came home from work and we were still up at their house and she stood at the gate when he walked in and yelled Dada!  Turns out that she's said this several times before and while we were on vacation she called my other brother-in-law Kevin dada too.  Now, I couldn't pick two better men for her to think of as father figures.  I adore my brother-in-laws and they are beyond wonderful to Grace and love her completely.  Since we live downstairs from my sister and brother-in-law, I was expecting that at some point she would call him Dada.  And it doesn't upset me, in fact, in some ways it makes me really happy because she knows that they are special and that she really loves them, so they must be like a daddy.  Plus, she hears them called daddy all the time.  But if I am being honest with myself, it makes me a little sad.  At 16 months she knows that other people have daddy's and while she doesn't yet realize that she doesn't that day is coming.  I wonder if she will feel cheated that she doesn't have a dad around.  I wonder if there will be a hole in her that just a mommy can't fill.  Deep down I know that I have filled her life with men who will fulfill that daddy role in many, many ways.  She has my dad, my two wonderful brother-in-laws, and wonderful uncles who I have no doubt we can and will call on in a moments notice.  But it probably won't be the same.  I knew all of this before I decided to adopt.  I thought long and hard about whether it was fair to a child to bring them into a family knowing that there isn't a dad.  Ultimately, I am comfortable with my decision and of course, hope that some day there is the possibility that I will meet a great guy that Grace and I both love.  But if it doesn't happen, I know we have great men to be role models and supports in her life.  But it still makes me a little sad. 

When I called my sister Amy to tell her about it, she asked me how I handled it.  I told her I said oh, Gracie, did you see Uncle Dennis?  Oh I bet you're so happy to see him.  She clapped and batted her eyes at him like she usually does.  I'm not going to tell her not to call him dada because she obviously feels very close to him and thinks of him as a daddy figure.  I don't want to discourage that and I don't want her to grow up thinking it's wrong to think of him that way.  So we'll keep referring to him as uncle Dennis and if she calls him dada for a while it's OK, with him, with Grace and with me.