Overjoyed!

Today was the best day of my life. And I want to put it down before I forget all the details that are swirling in my head. So here is how things happened.

At around noon today I was in my office and I glanced at the clock. My agency closes at 1:00 on Fridays and I thought well, it's almost noon, guess I won't get the call today. I went back to work and was on my office phone with a co-worker when my cell phone rang with a number I didn't recognize. My first thought was it's another wrong number, I'm not going to answer. My next thought was I should answer it so I asked my co-worker to hold on a second and I answered my cell. I said hello and sure enough it was Emily my caseworker. I asked her to hold a second and went to the phone in my other hand and said I have to go, it's the phone, a call... and my co-worker said is it a baby call and I said no, yes, I don't know... the phone...and she yelled Beth, hang up the phone with me, hang up! So I said OK and I did. Then I switched back to the cell phone and said hi Emily, thanks for holding, how are you? And she said I'm fine. Do you have some time to talk and I said yes. She said well, I have some very good news. I said oh my God, it this really it? Is this the call and she said this is the call! Then I started crying and my hands were shaking. Then she told me about the Punkin. She is 4 months old(yes I know the earlier post said 5 months but clearly a women just finding out about her daughter should not try to do math). She is from the southern region of the country and she has the most amazing eyes I have ever seen. As a friend of mine said, you could get lost in them. She is everything I ever dreamed of and more. As soon as I opened the attachment with her picture I just knew she was who I had been waiting for. She was worth every minute of waiting. As I type this I am looking at her picture and I just can't believe how lucky I am. I have a daughter. I'm some one's mommy. And she doesn't know anything about me, it's not official as I still have to have her information reviewed by an international pediatrician and then I can accept and wait for the legal process to happen in Ethiopia. But she is undeniably the Punkin I have longed for. I honestly didn't know that this type of joy was possible.

After I saw her picture I ran through my office telling everyone who was there and man, that was so fun. They have all lived through this with me and to share it with them was amazing. I think just about everyone cried when I told them and we all agree she is the most gorgeous baby we've ever seen and I'm not even a little bit biased. Funny story: I apparently went into work with my sweater on inside out and had no clue. Someone in my office noticed when I was running down the hall and the tag was on the outside. It took me over an hour to remember to change it. When I did I went into the bathroom, walked back out and then went back to my desk. My co worker said Beth, I know you went to switch your sweater but did you realize you forgot to do that when you went to the bathroom? And of course I had no idea. My head was total mush at that point. The second time I remembered to switch it.

Then I set down to calling people. My sister Kate was first and she wasn't there so I left a frantic message on her cell phone to call me immediately. She was at the beach with the kids and when she called back I just yelled It's a Girl, It's a girl and we both cried. I did a lot of crying today but it was happy tears. I then called my dad and step mom and both were thrilled beyond words. Then I called my sister Amy. Amy has thought all along that the Punkin was a girl and that she would be an infant. I thought it would be a boy and he'd be a toddler but am thrilled about a girl. Anyway, I called Amy and when the phone rang she told my brother-in-law Kevin to pick it up because it was me and I had a baby. Mind you, the phone wasn't near her so she didn't see the number. He picked it up and said you won't believe who it is and she said it's Beth, pick it up! So I said Hi Kevin it's Beth is Amy there? I probably yelled it but I'm not positive. She got on the phone and I yelled, it's a girl,it's a girl and she just started screaming back. I forwarded her the picture and I was on the phone with her when she saw her for the first time. That was thrilling. Then I had to tell Amy that of course she was wright all along about who the Punkin was and since I was so happy I didn't even mind admitting it(and little sisters usually hate to admit when the big sister is wright). Then I started calling and e-mailing friends and other family members. On my way home from work I stopped by the cemetery to tell my mom and show her the picture. I know that's odd to some people but I'm a literal person. When I want to talk to her I go to the cemetery because that's where she is. And I didn't want her to be left out of the best day of my life. I could feel her joy. The picture sat on the passenger seat and I looked at her at every stop light and I'm not even kidding. Then we finished the day celebrating with dinner out and I bought the punkin an outfit. Had no idea what size to buy so went with 6-9 which will probably be too big but she'll fit in it at some point.

So from this point on we can refer to her as Grace. Punkin will be one of my special names for her but Grace will be her first name. She will keep her Ethiopian name as her middle name but I can't post that since I'm not legally her mother yet so we'll refer to that as L. for the time being. Her second middle name will be Elizabeth to honor my mother(it was her beloved grandmother's name) so her full name will be Grace L(Ethiopian birth name) Elizabeth. I'm sorry but I can't post a picture anywhere on the Internet as it's not allowed. If I've told you her birth name, please don't post it anywhere.

I'm sorry if this post has no paragraphs but my head is still swimming. I'm sure I will have more to add when I've had some time to digest it all. Until then, I'm just sitting here waiting for my daughter(Squeal!)to come.

Wait and Ye Shall Receive!!!!!!!

I got the call today at 12:30p.m!!!! The call that has changed my life forever! It's a girl and she is 5 months old and the most incredible child I have ever seen! I can not post her Ethiopian name or a picture but I can tell you that her name will be Grace L(ethiopian birth name) Elizabeth Flaherty. I am beyond ecstatic. I will post details of the call later this weekend when I've had a chance to digest it all.

I went to see Jason Mraz

I found the cure for the adoption blues. It's called go to a Jason Mraz concert. Seriously, if that guy can't put you in a good mood you're just not capable of having one. I went with my sister Kate and when we got to our seats we noticed that there was a small stage set up right next to our seats. The small stage was in the middle of the venue. And by next to I mean I could sit in my chair with my hand on the stage, that's how close it was. Anyway, the reason for the small stage? Well, Jason and three of his band members leave the big stage and come to the small stage for the first encore. Yes, I was just feet away from him. And when he left the stage to walk back to the main stage he walked right by me and shook my hand! Yes, he shook my hand! While I swore to never wash my hand again, I did let my normal grownup brain taker over and sadly, I did wash it this morning. But I did think twice about it. I also got two pictures on my camera phone and while it's a great picture of his bongo player, Jason is sadly a little fuzzy. If I ever learn how to get the pictures off the phone I'll try to post them to the blog. But since I've technologically challenged that might not happen. Anyway, it was a fantastic concert and a great lifting of the spirit for me. Now let's just hope there is a referral on the horizon!

I Got Nothin

So, no news to report. I get an update later today from my agency so perhaps there have been some referrals that I haven't heard about but as far as I know, things haven't really started to move yet.

A friend of mine forwarded me an e-mail yesterday of an article that was written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer,Cleveland, Ohio. She made a list of the 45 lessons life taught her. There were a number that really stood out to me so I put them in my blog as a reminder of the lessons I want to use in my own life.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?"
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Those are some great lessons to learn by. I think I really need to start using #25 every time I get upset about a delay in the adoption process. And as a realist, I think I live by #22 though my sisters would disagree, They think I'm a pessimist. Actually, they call me Eeyore from the Winnie the pooh. I think I just prepare for all the possible outcomes and then hope for the best.

So, I'm hanging in there for now. Something is bound to happen sooner or later and in the poetic words of Jason Mraz...."I won't worry my life away". OK, I probably will, but I do try not to. I'm going to see him in concert tomorrow night and I seriously can.not.wait.

14 Months and Counting

Well, here we are at month number 14 of what I thought was going to be an 8-12 month wait. So here's the good news. MOWA has officially reopened. And because good news almost always has bad news attached to it, the court closing has been announced for the middle of August through some September(not exactly sure on when it will reopen). Referrals can be given out during the time courts are closed but no cases are heard which means that the time to travel will be extended. Since I still don't have a referral I wouldn't expect to travel until sometime in December at the earliest. I've resigned myself to another long wait but at least I can be getting ready once I know who the Punkin is. I'm just ready for some movement. Let's see if this is my lucky week!

Back to Worrying

So, as far as I know, MOWA should be re-opened by now, which means that with any luck, referrals will start happening again. While I'm thrilled at that prospect, I do have to admit that yesterday the Sunday dred reared it's ugly head again. It had not appeared during the two weeks that MOWA was closed but a waive of anxiety washed over me yesterday around 5:00p.m. and it won't leave until I get a referral or it's Friday at 1:00p.m. when my agency closes for the weekend. Why the anxiety? Because I spend every free moment thinking about whether or not the call will come today. As much as I tried to stop it, it's completely taken over my life. I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHO THE PUNKIN IS!!!!! Seriously, is that too much to ask for? I mean, I've been patient for almost 14 months! OK.........well, I was patient for maybe 7 of those 14 months. And by patient I mean not calm, but not ripping my hair out. Well, maybe only sort of ripping my hair out. Argh.........OK, fine, hardly patient at all. I admit it. My name is Beth, I'm a Gemini, cant' spell to save my life, love Calvin and Hobbes, Hallmark Movies, Jason Mraz, Bryan Adams and have recently become the most impatient person on the planet. Well, I guess the truth will set you free. I kind of feel better just venting that in writing, even if I might be the only one who reads it.

I know that this will happen. I mean, it's really only a matter of time. I have a friend who got a referral recently and she was nine days ahead of me for the same age range. Of course, there could be 20 families between us or 2. I have no way of telling but there has to be some movement soon doesn't there? Just say Yes, Beth, of course there has to be. Let's face it. We all know I'm getting a little loony at this point so yessing me to death is definitely the best course of action.

Well, vent over. I have to get back to work since my lunch hour is almost over. Let's hope that in my next post I have good news to report.

Hanging in There

I'm happy to report that I have rebounded somewhat since my last post. Yes, I am still disappointed that the closing is delaying my referral but in a strange way, it's been a bit of a relief. Since I know that nothing is happening until MOWA reopens, I don't have the daily stress of wondering if the call will come today. If it comes today will I remember to have my phone with me, will I be able to take the call, will I be near a computer when they call so I can see the picture ASAP? Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to know who the punkin is, but a little less stress has done me a world of good.

So I read an interesting book over the weekend. It's called My Father's Daughter and it's by Hannah Pool. She was adopted as an infant from Eritrea(which used to be a part of Ethiopia years ago) by an English couple who had been told both her birth parents were deceased. It turns out that her birth father was alive, as were several siblings and the book chronicles her trip back to Eritrea to meet them. It was a fascinating book and it brings up a lot of the things I think about on a daily basis. Will they always feel that longing for their birth family? Will they always feel out of place being a black child in a white family? Will they feel more isolated if they have the chance to return back for a visit? Will they feel guilty because others got left behind and they got whisked off to a more stable life? The bottom line is that I can't answer any of these questions. I can't predict what my child's experience will be but I think my responsibility is to always be honest and upfront with what I know and to be a safe place where they can share these feelings. In the book Hannah Pool talks about not wanting to tell her dad that she was going to meet her birth family because she was afraid that it might make him feel like he wasn't enough. I don't want my child to worry that way about me, but I can't guarantee they won't. One of the reasons I was drawn to Ethiopia is that whenever possible, there is a birth family meeting where the adoptive parent travels to the village of the birth family to meet whomever relinquished the child. As emotional as this meeting will be, I'm grateful that these meetings are possible through my agency(not every agency does this). I hope that having pictures, and information about their birth family will help to answer some of the questions they'll have later on. I never want the punkin to feel like their birth family is something we put behind us. It's a part of what brought us together as a family, so why would we want to brush it under the rug? On the other hand, it's their story and I have to be ready to tell it when they're ready to hear it. There's so much to think about and yet, you can't spend too much time theorizing about how you'll handle this when it comes up because if you do, it won't be authentic.

From what I have been told, MOWA should reopen around the 24th of this month and then I'll be back on red alert again. My nephew Jacob (2 1/2) announced to me last week that he is taking matters into his own hands. He said "Dante, I going Epiopia. I take my truck and my rescue rope(he watches a little too much Diego)and I going to get you baby!" I said well, why don't you take a plane and he said "No pane, pane take too long. I gonna do myself!" Too bad his truck is a little red fisher price fire truck and his rescue rope is actually a winter scarf. But hey, it's the thought that counts.