New Look and Picture Post

So I figured since I've had this blog for a couple of years that it was finally time to spruce it up a bit. Let me know what you think of the new look.

My camera (thanks to my brother-in-law Kevin) finally let me download my pictures so this will be a mostly pictures post.

I can stand all by myself!




I love my TUTU!

Look Mommy, I'm swinging!





I'm so funny!

My First time in the pool

I like swimming!!!

Gracie and her cousin Sarah

Gracie and her cousins Nate and Sarah at Disneyland

Gracie and Nate

Auntie Amy, Uncle Kevin and Gracie waiting to get on It's a small world.

Mommy, why is this crazy thing moving?

Take that Uncle Kevin!

Auntie Amy and Gracie


Gracie and her Kids at the happiest place on earth.

It's My Birthday

Today I turned 39 years old. I woke up this morning thinking about how different my life is from last year. Last year I had a fine birthday, but I was anxious and nervous and on pins and needles waiting to hear something, anything, about my baby. And while I knew it wasn't likely I would get a referral that day, I did end it being disappointed. Fast forward to today when I woke up content. Sure, my life isn't perfect but having Grace has filled so many holes in my life. Last year I spent the evening wishing for my baby. Tonight I spent my evening at a Mexican Restaurant where my baby was moving and grooving to a Mariachi Band. Last I ended my birthday sad and anxious. Tonight I ended it feeding a bottle and singing to this beautiful girl. Oh what a difference a year can make.

Six Months Together!

Today marks our six month anniversary of being a family. In some ways the time has flown by and in other ways it's hard to remember what it was like before Grace entered my life. Every day I spend with her just reminds me of how lucky I am that the universe aligned just right so that baby girl was matched with me. We just fit together so well.

So here's what we have been up to. Two weekends ago we had a visit from Auntie Andrea and Uncle Rob. Andrea and Rob are two of my closest friends and they are a wonderful aunt and uncle to Grace. They live in Ohio but visit a couple of times a year. We were able to have a nice visit when they were on the Boston leg of their trip. The picture below is not from the visit. It's from when they were here for Gracie's birthday. I love this picture.


Last weekend we went to California and spent a fantastic four days with my sister Amy and her family. I was a little nervous about traveling since it was my first time traveling alone with Grace. I really had nothing to worry about. Grace is a trooper and a really good traveler. Because I was worried about getting through security with a baby I decided that I should get to the airport two hours early so we arrived at the airport at 6:30a.m. for a 8:40 flight. We were checked in, through security, had coffee and pastries from Starbucks and were sitting at the gate at 7:15. Yeah, that totally could have back fired on me. I was afraid that her good disposition would be wasted sitting at the gate and then she'd be a pill on the plane but she was fantastic. Even the couple seated next to us remarked at how well behaved she was. I was especially surprised at how nice and helpful everyone was to us. I forgot that when you fly into Long beach you have to get off the plane and walk onto the tarmac. Not very good planning for a person who had a baby, a diaper bag and a rolling suitcase to get down the stairs. Luckily, there was a lovely couple seated behind me who carried my bags down for me. It's nice to know that there are still so many kind people circling in the world. Our trip was so fun! Gracie adjusted very, very quickly to her aunt and uncle and cousins Nate and Sarah. The only member she did not take well to was their dog Bingo. Bingo is a love but he's huge and he's under the impression that he is a lap dog. When he saw Gracie all he wanted was to love on her but he just scared her to pieces. By the end of the visit she was intrigued by him but still terrified. He's such a gentle dog, he wouldn't hurt a fly. I'm sure Gracie will catch onto that soon. We got there on Thursday in enough time to see my sisters kindergarten class put on Stone Soup. Adorable! Then Amy had a bunch of friends over to meet Grace and she did not disappoint! She was up until 9:30 pacific time and had been up since 5:30a.m. eastern time and didn't melt down. That child can really handle a lot.

On Friday we went to Disneyland and it was so much fun. The one ride that she hated was the Carousel. I was sure that would be the best one to start her off with but alas, it scared her to pieces. She was belted on, I was holding on tight and she had a death grip on the pole. When the horse started moving up and down she gave me this crazed look that just said "are you kidding me? This thing moves?!?!?!" She hated the carousel but liked the tea cups. Go figure. She had such a good day and Nate and Sarah were so phenomenal with her. They were so protective and loving and fun with her and she ate it up. The rest of the weekend we hung out and Grace had her first swim in the Williams' pool and she loved it! She did great on the flight home too, sleeping almost the entire flight.

About a month after we got home from Ethiopia Grace and I participated in an attachment study for internationally adopted children. We were asked to participate in it by our international pediatrician at Tufts. We did two visits with Grace and I where they tracked her heart rate and saliva levels and they did a couple of exercises to see how she reacts to things. They also videotaped them and I filled out a ton of questionnaires to go with it. Last Tuesday I went and met with two of the students who did the study to get some feedback on our results and they were really, really positive. They said that it's quite clear that we have a super strong bond in just the short time we have been a family. They said I have a great demeanor with her and that she calms very easily yet feels like she is able to explore providing she knows I'm still in the room. They said they had seen so much improvement in her from the first to the second visit and that she is becoming more animated and vocal and comfortable. I know that. I have felt that for months, but I have to say that it's really nice to hear from an unbiased third party.

Grace and I had our usual Saturday of running errands but today she was especially fun. We went out to dinner and she was dancing in her high chair to the music cracking up everyone around us. We played this game while waiting for our food where I put one hand on the table, she puts one hand on mine, I put my other hand on top of hers and then we start moving our hands really quickly. We played that game last week with Nate when we were in California and she remembered it and it was cracking her up. She has such a contagious giggle. Tonight when I was giving her the bed time bottle, I was singing to her as I usually do. I started singing baby mine from dumbo and her face exploded into the biggest smile I have ever seen and she touched her head. In the song there is a line that says from your head down to your toes. When I sing that line I touch her head and then her toes. She always enjoys that part but never as much as she did tonight. It was like she was telling me that was her favorite song to sing and I just loved how she knew it was the part in the song to touch her head. I started crying because her reaction was so joyful. She looked on the outside how I feel on the inside. Then she snuggled into me and sighed. The kind of sigh you have when you are content and all is right with the world. I'm so proud of the little family we have become. She is the very, very best thing that has ever happened to me.

I'm sorry I don't have pictures to post of our California visit but I still can't get the pictures off my camera. I'll try to work on that this week.

So life in our household is great these days. Grace is pulling herself up on every piece of furniture she can reach and is feeling quite proud of it. She hasn't tried walking while holding onto said furniture but I know that's coming soon. She's getting to that stage where she's interacting more with people and it's really fun. When we used to play she would play next to me but now she's starting to play with me which is quite fun. She's also learned a couple of signs for more, thank you, please and all done. Every time we sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider she can sign more and tell me she wants to sing it again. Yeah, that's not still fun after the 85Th time in a row. She is pointing to everything and saying Wuz Dat(what's that)? When she points to a picture of her I say who is that and she points to herself. Yes, I already know she's brilliant but I'm sure you're also thinking that as well. When she babbles it's in a conversational tone. There are breaks and she waits for you to respond before she continues. She's so much fun and she continues to have a really good disposition but her stubborn streak has certainly come out.

Her eating is continuing to improve. No recent doctor visits so I'm not sure how much she weighs but she is eating a variety of foods, including guacamole that she ate by the spoonful. I couldn't get it into her fast enough. If anyone has some suggestions on how I can keep her from touching her hair while she eats that would be appreciated. I only shampoo her hair once a week because the shampoo dries it out but there are some things that can't just be rinsed out, like maple syrup. I tried putting a hat on but she takes it off. I tried a shower cap that I tied in the back with an elastic but she got that off too. I'm now considering a bathing cap. And no, I'm not joking, but if you have other suggestions I will gladly entertain them.

Next weekend we're going to California to visit my sister Amy and her family. We're going Thursday through Monday and I am really looking forward to it. I'm a little nervous about how Grace will do on the flight. She did fine on the 17 hour flight from Addis to Boston but she was also shell shocked and not very mobile. I'm hoping for the best. It should be a fun weekend and she'll make her first trip to Disneyland. My nephew Nate was disappointed that she was too young to ride on splash mountain.

I'll try to post some updated pictures soon. I've been having trouble uploading pictures from my camera.

Mother's Day

Yesterday was my very first Mother's Day and I enjoyed it immensely. Grace and I went to church and then the cemetary to visit my mom. Then we drove 25 minutes to buy delicious scones for our mother's day brunch. My dad and step-mom and my sister Kate and the kids came over and we had a lovely brunch and a nice afternoon. Being a single mother, I did not expect presents from Gracie because 1. She's a baby 2. She isn't big enough to make me presents on her own 3. I control the access to her piggy bank. But it seems that my girl is resourceful and solicited the help of her all too willing Aunts. Auntie Amy helped her to get a kit that we can use to make hand and foot prints and then frame it. I can't wait to use it. Auntie Kate helped her get a silver, heart shaped music box that plays My Girl by the Temptations. It's also engraved with "mommy, you will always be my girl. Love, Gracie". So sweet! The very best gift I got was something that Gracie did do herself. She pulled herself up for the first time. I was very proud though she certainly didn't do it with me in mind. She was kneeling by the door watching her cousins play in the yard. When they moved out of her sight line she pulled herself up so she could see them. But hey, it doesn't matter why she did it, it only matters that she did do it. It was just a lovely day.

I had a little trepadation about the day. I mean, I was super excited for it, but at the same time, a little sad for Grace's first mom. Because Grace has two mothers, the one who gave birth to her and the one who is raising her, I feel like I really share the day with her. I definitly don't mind it though because if it were not for her, I would not have Grace. But I feel for the loss. I have read many other blogs over this weekend and I was beginning to think that maybe something was wrong with me. Many other mothers seemed to be really sorrowful about the holiday and perhaps couldn't enjoy it to it's fullest. I did and I'm not sorry for that. I think it's because every day I recognize and feel the loss of her first family, but I also have intense respect and love for them. The best way I can acknowledge their loss and sorrow is to enjoy every moment that I have with her and love her enough for all of us. And I do that.

5 Months Ago Today

This beautiful, scared, timid baby girl came home to her family.

I remember when we arrived at the airport and everyone remarked at how calm she was. On the outside she was, but when I held her I could feel her little heart beating so hard and so fast. Fast forward to now ............

This beautiful, funny, and lively girl has really started to open up and is showing her personality. It's remarkable to see how far she has come in such a short time.

We went to see a nutritionist on Monday and that meeting was very helpful. As the doctor suspected, she needs more calories. The nutritionist told me that every time I give her something to eat I have to think about what I can add to it to increase the calories. While most people are cutting things out of their diet we will be adding things to Grace's. If she has ham, we're adding mayo to it. If she's having potato we add gravy, if she's having a cracker she needs cheese on it. We're going to focus on 6 small meals and see how it goes. I was heading in the right direction so I was pleased with that, I just need to add extra calories to help her get up. So overall I feel very encouraged.

This weekend I get to celebrate my very first mothers day. I have been celebrated by my nieces and nephews and godchildren for years and it has always meant so much to me. But this year I'm officially in the club with a real live daughter and everything. I know that many people consider this a hallmark holiday but I think there's nothing wrong with setting aside a day to tell those women that mean the most to you how you feel about them. So happy Mothers day to all the wonderful women in my life who bring laughter, love and support. I don't know how I would make it through the day without you (and you all know who you are!)

I've Been Thinking

I originally wrote this post on April 25th but couldn't decide if I would publish it or not. I decided today to publish it but it showed up with the original date.

Since the day I met Grace's family I have not stopped thinking about them or how we're all connected. I've also been thinking about how and when I will introduce them to Grace via my story of our meeting, videos and pictures. I often wonder how you start the conversation and how pictures might be the best introduction. I brought this subject up to our social worker at our second visit. While I know Grace is way too young to understand all of this, I know that at some point I will need to be prepared for the questions and as many of you know, I like to be prepared.

After a lot of thinking and soul searching, I decided that I would put pictures of Graces family in her room. I don't want them to be pictures in a photo album that we forget to look at. I want them to be a part of our lives and I figure by hanging them in her room, she'll always remember just knowing who they were. It won't have to be a big formal introduction. I found a frame that held 4 photos. The first photo is a picture of the area she is from, the other three photos are of her family members. I am intentionally being vague here because as I have said before, and believe with all my heart, the story is Grace's to tell and I am just the keeper of it. Who she shares the details with is up to her. I am sharing this part because even though it's Grace's family, it really is more about me and my own response to the pictures. So I put the picture up and I had a myriad of emotions. My first was that they had made such a sacrifice and I felt overwhelming sadness for their loss. I had a feeling as if I had somehow taken something from them but I know that isn't the case. They gave her to me. I know that, I believe that, I feel that. They did so because they knew it was what she needed. I also felt sadness that we're here and happy and together. It was hard to leave them knowing what their lives are like. I'm not saying they're not happy and that their life is not fulfilling, but it's a hard life they lead. I wish there was a way for me to lessen their burden. So I hung the picture and I didn't make a big deal of it to Grace. In fact she was playing on the floor of her room and wasn't even paying attention to what I was doing. But when I had finished and picked her up to change her diaper she noticed it immediately. She had a big smile on her face and she started waving to them. My first thought was oh my god, she knows who they are, what must she be thinking of me for taking her away from them? Now, I don't think she really recognized them. In reality, she spent a very, very small amount of time with them. I think the real reaction was hey, those people are my same color. This is the second time she has had that reaction. The first was when my parents gave her a beautiful African American doll for her birthday. Her reaction to that doll was to give it kisses. It was the only gift she had an immediate reaction to. It's now clear to me that she recognizes that there are different colors to different people. And frankly, it's only natural and soon enough she will have questions for me about why we have different skin colors. And I need to start preparing now for how I will answer those questions and all the other ones that are bound to come up. I guess I was surprised that at one she already notices differences. I just want her to be as comfortable with the differences as she can be. And I hope she will feel that despite the differences, what we have in common is greater than how we're different, and how we're different is important too and definitely worth celebrating. This is the part of parenting that I find difficult. It's not the feeding or the chasing after or the diapers. It's how to start now with instilling her with the tools she needs to develop inner strength, self confidence and being comfortable with who she is, what she looks like and where and whom she comes from. It's a big job but I'm up for the challenge.