561,948 Minutes and Counting

So as of today, I have been waiting 1 year, 3 weeks and 4 days for a referral. That roughly translates to 561,948 minutes. There is a part of me that just wants to scream and yell because that's way too many minutes to wait. I think of all the minutes I am spending apart from the Punkin and I worry about the time lost and the things I'm missing. Then I try to settle myself down(some days it's easier than others)and remember that I am not the only one hurting here. Somewhere in Ethiopia there is a family that had to make a heart breaking decision to relinquish custody of their child or the child in their care. Not because they don't love them, not because they don't want them but because they can not provide the most basic of their needs. I can't even fathom what that must be like though I do try to multiple times a day. Adoption is such a mix of emotions. I am obviously thrilled to be on the threshold of mommy hood, but in order for me to have the great joy of raising this child, some other family has to have the great sorrow of letting them go. It's a hard thing to reconcile. And honestly, I don't think I ever want to. I can not for one minute take for granted the sacrifice the Punkins first family had to make and the journey that brings both of our families together. So while the minutes tick away, I need to step back and remember that it's not all about me. There is another family that will miss out on millions of minutes of the Punkins life and they will always grieve for the child I'll have the privilege of raising. There won't be a minute of my life when I don't respect and appreciate that sacrifice.

Wishful Thinking

Nope, no referral call yesterday but still a good birthday none the less. I had lunch with my dad, cupcakes with co-workers and had wine and played connect four with my sister. Overall a good day. But I must admit I was a little disappointed not to get a referral even though I knew it probably wasn't realistic. Let's just hope that something happens soon!

Today is My Birthday

So, today I turn 38 and all I can think about is that this would be a perfect day to get a referal. So let's send positive, happy thoughts out to the Universe that something happens soon.

You're Guess is as Good as Mine

So, I made it past the one year mark and your reward for that is that you get to be re-fingerprinted. I did that on Wednesday of last week and it was pretty painless. My appointment was at 8:00a.m. and I walked out at 8:25a.m. which is pretty amazing considering the number of people who were ahead of me. Once that gets processed I'll be notified and then a copy of the updated prints will be cabled to Addis Ababa.

So, I was at a family birthday party this weekend and as you can imagine, the topic of discussion centered on when I will hear something. It could literally be any day. As you can imagine, I'm a complete and utter basket case. My poor sister Kate won't even call me during the day anymore as she knows I get all frazzled whenever the phone rings. I really hope it's soon. I am ready to nest and I can't really do that until I know who the punkin is. I just wish I knew when so I think I'll open it up to guesses. When do you think I will hear, will it be a boy or a girl and how old will they be? Keep in mind that my age range is from 0-24 months. Since no one ever posts a comment here you can e-mail me with your guess. And I may even offer a prize for the person who guesses correctly. How is my sanity on a plate for a prize? Sounds delightful to me but seriously, I'll come up with something good.

In an unrelated note, I only misspelled one word in this whole post. OK, well only one word that spell checker caught, but that's a miracle for me. Perhaps things are looking up for me. Spelling is my kryptonite.

Today Makes a Year

Today is the one year anniversary of my being on the official wait list. Woo flipping hoo. Can you feel the sincerity oozing out of me? As much as I was hoping to hear something in May, that's probably not going to happen. So perhaps June will be my month. June is a good month for a referral. You have Father's Day, My Birthday. Maybe June will be it for me. I guess we'll have to wait and see. And really, we all know how good I am at waiting!

Instead of complaining again I am going to make a list of things that make me happy.

1. My Punkin will come. It clearly won't be on my time line but he/she will come.
2. I got tickets to see Jason Mraz in August. So stinking excited for that. He's
my #2 musician obsession. I don't think anyone will surpass Bryan Adams as my
number 1.
3. My friend Brenda is due to give birth to her baby boy any time now. Can't wait
to meet him.
4. Fiber one oats and peanut butter bars. They're yummy.
5. My Ipod. I seriously don't know how I would get through the day without good
music to listen to.
6. My house is clean. Like top to bottom spring cleaned, curtains washed,
cupboards scrubbed cleaned.
7. I just joined Netflix which means that I will likely see more than 4 movies this
year.
8. The Twilight Series. Now granted, she's no Shakespeare or Steinbeck or Rowling
but good gravy she can create a vampire boy that this almost 38 year old is a
crushin on. If only she could make me a human, older version of him and send
him to my door. Oops, there I go with my unrealistic expectations
9. My niece Sarah is coming at the end of June for about 10 days. Can't wait!
10. That I have a new favorite show to look forward to for the fall. If you have
not seen the preview episode of "Glee" run, yes, I mean run like the wind to your
computer and find it on fox or YouTube. I seriously CAN NOT WAIT for this show.

Two posts in one week. Are you stunned, elated, flabbergasted? Don't get used to it. It's not likely to happen again.

Wishing Time Away

I'm over this waiting thing. Do you hear me adoption powers that be? I. AM. OVER. IT. I am tired of being a nercvous wreck from 9-5, Monday through Friday. I'm tired of jumping out of my skin every time the phone rings. I'm tired of waking up feeling optimistic and going to sleep feeling dissapointed. I am tired of not knowing when I will see the Punkins face for the first time. I'm tired of whining about being tired about not knowing when things will happen. I think I need a vacation from myself.

I have been trying to distract myself. I spent almost the entire long weekend spring cleaning my house. I read book 3 of the Twilight Series and started on book Four. I had lunch last week with my great friends Andrea and Rob who were visitng from Ohio. I had lunch with a couple of my favorite students and colleagues. I had a sleepover with my nephew Jacob. But nothing seems to work for very long. I have this ache in my heart and the longer I'm on the waitlist, the harder it hurts. It's hard to stay positive some days. This is one of those days. I know I will get through this and I know that all the heartache and time will feel like nothing once I know who my baby is. I just wish I knew when that would be. I hope to be more uplifting next post but for now I'm just pining, waiting for my punkin to come.

I'm No Madonna

So this weekend I was at a baby shower for my friend Brenda. It was a great weekend and I was happy to help her celebrate the pending arrival of her baby boy. While at the shower she mentioned that I was adopting from Ethiopia and people were very excited for me. However, a number of people asked me if I was adopting because of Madonna. This isn't the first time I've been asked this but each time it makes me crazy. Why on earth would I make my life's decisions based on what a celebrity does? She is adopting from Malawi and I know nothing about the processes in that country nor do I know what her motives are because I don't know her. I can tell you that 99.9% of the people that adopt do not wake up in the morning and think hey, it's Tuesday, think I'll have eggs and grapefruit for breakfast run to Target and then go adopt a child. If anything, I think Madonna took her plans to adopt from me. After all, I have spent the past seven years of my life putting myself into a position where I could provide a loving and stable home for a child. I have done the finger printing, the classes, the home studies, read every book I can get my hands on. I've dreamed and planned for and loved this child I don't even know yet and I didn't do it on a whim. And lets face it, when have I ever done anything on a whim? Me and spontaneity are like Brussels sprouts and peanut butter. It's interesting to think about but you probably won't attempt it. None of the people who said something meant any ill will. I know that. But international adoption has been happening for years. It's been a part of my family for over 30 years and just because a celebrity does it doesn't make it a fad. OK. Rant over.

Anyway, as I mentioned before, Brenda had a lovely shower and she got beautiful gifts. Brenda's sister and I were able to help her put on the new bedding and to start to organize some of the gifts. It felt so great to be doing something to get ready for a baby even if I am still waiting for mine. I can't wait for her baby and mine to buddies. We've been a part of all of the big life events in each others lives and it's thrilling to think our kiddos will grow up together.

There were some referrals today from my agency and based on the length of times those families waited, I think I should be hearing something in the next month or two. The wait in the last couple of weeks has been excruciating but I just have to keep on keeping on.