Nesting

I have been dying to buy paint, wall decorations, wash little wash cloths, agonize over furniture placement. And now I get to do all of that. In short, I'm nesting and man, is it fun!

So with the help of my sister and brother-in-law, I have begun transforming the boring spare bedroom into Grace's girlie butterfly room. We painted the top of the wall Sweetie Pie Pink and the bottom Jaded Lime Green. Think Sherbet colors. Actually, it looks like spumoni ice cream but I see my vision slowly coming together. I'll post pictures when it's done. The trim and doors have been painted white and the chair rail will go up over labor day weekend. Then I can put up the crib, arrange the furniture, put up the curtains and decorate the walls. I can't even begin to explain how fun this has been for me. I would never go to this trouble for my own bedroom but I just can't seem to do enough for Grace's. And it's not about spending a bunch of money. It's about spending two hours on Sunday looking for the perfect pink trash can or just the right sheers for the windows. And I spent 20 minutes debating whether or not to spend $13 on a light switch just because it had butterflies and the right pink and green in it. Had I been by myself I might have passed on it but I had Meghan with me and she talked me into it. Let me tell you, after I hung it up tonight, I have to admit that she was right. It was worth the little splurge. I've never spent this much time looking for the right accessories, and it's never been this fun. I had Meghan and Jacob with me and it was so fun to have them walk through stores and point out things that would be great for Gracie.

There is a travel group from my agency leaving this Friday for Ethiopia. I had sent an e-mail to the agency list serv asking if anyone would be willing to take pictures of Grace for me since she has been moved to the agency's care center. Two families have offered to take pictures so in the next couple of weeks I should have new pictures. I can hardly wait. I also had a third family e-mail me. That family was at the care center last week picking up their son and they spent some time at the infant house and wondered if they had met her. I wrote back with her name and sure enough, they had meet her! Their oldest son had fed her a bottle and they said she was smiley, enjoyed being held and was just a very sweet baby. I can't really describe how amazing it was to hear this. Here's this beautiful baby girl who is my daughter, but I've never met her and I've never spoken to someone who has seen her in person. And now there is someone who tells me some of the little tidbits I've been craving. She smiles. She 's sweet. She responds well to other people. They also said that the love and care the kids receive from the nannies is exceptional. I have trusted all along that this was the case but it's so great to hear that from other parents who have seen it in person. I'm so anxious to meet her and hold her but until I do, these little updates are priceless and really help with the wait.

Tonight I finally got her photo album together and sent it off to my agency to mail to Ethiopia. I was so excited to get the album off I was almost giddy. It's a small album with six pictures and I labeled who everyone is. I also put in a picture of me holding her referral picture, our first family picture! We send the album so that the nannies can start to familiarize the kids with their new families.

Last weekend my niece Meghan and I were out shopping for baby dolls. I wanted a soft black baby doll, sort of on the idea of a rag doll. I found lots of black baby dolls but they all had hard faces. I had seen what I was looking for on line so I told Meghan we would just go home and order it on the computer. She asked me why we didn't buy her a soft white baby doll since they had lots of those. I explained that she'll have dolls of all different races but for right now, I wanted a black baby doll. She said, well that's fine but don't you think we should buy her a white baby doll so she gets used to our color? I mean, she's probably expecting a brown or black family and we're white. We've been expecting a brown baby but she might be surprised by a white family. I don't want us to scare her. I think we need to prepare her. Pretty insightful for a five year old. I explained that we were sending a photo album full of our pictures so that she knows what we look like. So many adjustments for such a little baby. I only hope that I can find the right way to help her navigate it all.

I had copies of Grace's referral pictures made and tonight I put them in frames and in the little photo album I bought to carry in my purse. I just love seeing her gorgeous face every place I look.

She's Growing!

I got a measurement update from my agency and it looks like my Gracie is growing! She's now over 9 1/2 pounds and she's grown over 4 inches which is a big increase from the measurements I received with her referral that were from when she was about 3 weeks old. It's such a relief to know that she is eating and growing and getting consistent nutrition. I'm grateful to know that she's being well cared for but it just makes me want to get to her even quicker. I can't wait for the day I can hold her and give her big hugs and kisses and tell her how long I've waited for her and how much I love her. That day will come soon enough. For now I'm grateful for a relatively healthy baby who has people to care for her until I can get there. I'm sending big love out into the universe for you Gracie. Your Mommy and your family here can't wait to see you!

Spoiled Rotten

I've only known about Grace for a little over a week but the outpouring of love and support has been overwhelming. I have received calls, e-mails, cards and some adorable little presents. I'm overwhelmed by how excited everyone is over my beautiful baby girl. Here are just a couple of things I have for her now.

This is the outfit I bought Grace on the day I received her referral. Since she was wearing pink in her referral picture I knew this would be a beautiful color on her. Plus, I was so excited to buy something specifically for her.


These are the flowers my Aunt and Uncle and cousins sent me to celebrate Grace's referral. They are so lovely and a week later they are still going strong.

These are from Auntie Kate, Uncle Dennis, Meghan and Jacob. The little slippers crack me up! Meghan couldn't wait to show me what she had picked out for her new cousin. She is thrilled that there are more girl cousins than boy cousins on this side of the family now.

This onesie is from Cyn(aka the Big Meanie), my college roommate my senior year and one of my closest friends. I came home on Friday to find this present in the mailbox addressed to Grace Flaherty(how thrilling that was)! It's never too early to introduce her to mommy's Alma Mata.

This was a present from a co-worker of mine. The present was a little soft bunny but I just loved how girlie the wrapping was that I had to take a picture of it.

So as I mentioned in a previous post, I went and registered and I chose the bedding set. There's a picture below. Keep in mind that her actual crib is a lighter wood but I still think it will look really nice. I went today to pick out the paint and I'm doing a light pink on the top and a light green on the bottom with a chair rail separating the two colors. I think it will look really pretty when it's all done. I'm just so excited to get started on making her the most adorable room I can.

What A Difference A Week Makes

This time last Friday I was anxious, tired, worried and nervous waiting to hear something, ANYTHING, about my referral. Fast forward to today. I'm sleeping better, feeling better and am just more optimistic about everything in general. All in a weeks time and all because of one little girl. It's amazing how things can change so quickly and how one can go from such despair to such joy in so little time.

I know the wait will still be difficult especially since I know who she is now. But honestly, it's such a relief to be in preparation mode instead of just waiting mode. I have lists to make, a room to paint, baby dolls to buy, more paperwork to fill out and information to read. I'm just so excited to have something productive to do.

My task for this weekend is to make her a little photo album. That way her care givers can show it to her and get her familiar with what her family looks like. I bought a really cute album about 18 months ago but it's fabric and not really practical for cleaning and I know they worry about spreading germs. About 14 months ago I bought a second photo album that is vinyl, washable and has a teething ring on the end. I was all set to send that one, but then decided last weekend that it was too boyish so I went Monday night and bought one just like it but pink with lady bugs on it. I'm not sure where this pink obsession came from but I really can't seem to get rid of it. It only holds about 6 pictures but that will be enough for now to get her familiar with me, her grand parents and my sisters and their families. I'm excited to get it together and in the mail.

I officially accepted Grace's referral on Wednesday. After speaking to the International Pediatrician I had to get a number of forms notarized so that took another day. I was going to overnight it but I figured I would be a wreck until I knew it was there so I just decided to drive it there myself. It's not a far ride and it was worth the piece of mind. It's nice to have everything official on my end in terms of paperwork, but she was official the second I saw her picture.

So, I'm just enjoying this time of prepping and rejoicing about having Grace come and join my family. I had just assumed that I would get an 18-24 month old and to know she's only 4 months is icing on the cake. Even though it will be a couple of months before she comes home, I know that I'll be able to experience some of her milestones that I had assumed I would miss like walking, crawling and her first birthday. It will be such a gift to witness those.

Over the Moon

What a whirlwind the past couple of days has been! The joy and sense of relief that I feel is inexplicable. I spent all this time dreaming about an abstract child and now she is real. It's just extraordinary.

I have been overwhelmed by the love and support I have been given not just over the last few days but throughout the whole process. I still can't believe that the little girl everyone is falling all over is my daughter. It delights me to write that. My daughter. My entire family is over the moon about her. Her grandparents have put her picture on their phones and have shown her to just about everybody, including the parish priest. Her aunts and uncles are showing her picture to everyone they have ever met and are helping me plan her room and get ready for her arrival. Her cousins think she is the cutest thing ever and let's face it, it's true! It's just been so fun and it's always amazing to see how the impending arrival of a baby can breathe new life into a family. There is no child that could be more wanted or more anticipated than Grace is.

I had her medical information reviewed by an international pediatrician and they said everything looks pretty good. She's on the small side but her height, weight and head circumference are all in the normal range, the low side of normal, but still normal. She said her eyes were nice and bright and alert. There are no guarantees that everything will develop normally but that would be the case regardless of whether she was biological or adopted. I'm just relieved to know that there doesn't appear to be any big health issues but honestly, I'm not sure it would have made a difference if there was. Once I saw that face with those eyes as big as the moon, I could never imagine not bringing her home. All I need to do now is to officially accept the referral which I will hopefully mail off tomorrow. I just need to have a bunch of stuff notarized and then it will be good to go.

So last night I did something that I have been dying to do. I registered. I went with my sister Kate and it was really fun. A little overwhelming, but fun! Her color scheme will be pink and chocolate brown and her bedding has butterflies and flowers on it. I have no idea what color I will paint her room but I'm just so thrilled about the possibilities. This weekend I'm going through her closet to see what I have. I don't have a ton but I have picked up some crib sheets and wash cloths and towels along the way. I'm just excited to get started.

So my world is good these days. I'm happy and excited and just enjoying staring at her picture. I went to Vermont last Saturday to see my friend Brenda's baby Thomas who is a little love. It was a 3 1/2 hour drive and Grace's picture sat on the passenger seat on the way up and the way back. I'm just completely overjoyed with her!

Overjoyed!

Today was the best day of my life. And I want to put it down before I forget all the details that are swirling in my head. So here is how things happened.

At around noon today I was in my office and I glanced at the clock. My agency closes at 1:00 on Fridays and I thought well, it's almost noon, guess I won't get the call today. I went back to work and was on my office phone with a co-worker when my cell phone rang with a number I didn't recognize. My first thought was it's another wrong number, I'm not going to answer. My next thought was I should answer it so I asked my co-worker to hold on a second and I answered my cell. I said hello and sure enough it was Emily my caseworker. I asked her to hold a second and went to the phone in my other hand and said I have to go, it's the phone, a call... and my co-worker said is it a baby call and I said no, yes, I don't know... the phone...and she yelled Beth, hang up the phone with me, hang up! So I said OK and I did. Then I switched back to the cell phone and said hi Emily, thanks for holding, how are you? And she said I'm fine. Do you have some time to talk and I said yes. She said well, I have some very good news. I said oh my God, it this really it? Is this the call and she said this is the call! Then I started crying and my hands were shaking. Then she told me about the Punkin. She is 4 months old(yes I know the earlier post said 5 months but clearly a women just finding out about her daughter should not try to do math). She is from the southern region of the country and she has the most amazing eyes I have ever seen. As a friend of mine said, you could get lost in them. She is everything I ever dreamed of and more. As soon as I opened the attachment with her picture I just knew she was who I had been waiting for. She was worth every minute of waiting. As I type this I am looking at her picture and I just can't believe how lucky I am. I have a daughter. I'm some one's mommy. And she doesn't know anything about me, it's not official as I still have to have her information reviewed by an international pediatrician and then I can accept and wait for the legal process to happen in Ethiopia. But she is undeniably the Punkin I have longed for. I honestly didn't know that this type of joy was possible.

After I saw her picture I ran through my office telling everyone who was there and man, that was so fun. They have all lived through this with me and to share it with them was amazing. I think just about everyone cried when I told them and we all agree she is the most gorgeous baby we've ever seen and I'm not even a little bit biased. Funny story: I apparently went into work with my sweater on inside out and had no clue. Someone in my office noticed when I was running down the hall and the tag was on the outside. It took me over an hour to remember to change it. When I did I went into the bathroom, walked back out and then went back to my desk. My co worker said Beth, I know you went to switch your sweater but did you realize you forgot to do that when you went to the bathroom? And of course I had no idea. My head was total mush at that point. The second time I remembered to switch it.

Then I set down to calling people. My sister Kate was first and she wasn't there so I left a frantic message on her cell phone to call me immediately. She was at the beach with the kids and when she called back I just yelled It's a Girl, It's a girl and we both cried. I did a lot of crying today but it was happy tears. I then called my dad and step mom and both were thrilled beyond words. Then I called my sister Amy. Amy has thought all along that the Punkin was a girl and that she would be an infant. I thought it would be a boy and he'd be a toddler but am thrilled about a girl. Anyway, I called Amy and when the phone rang she told my brother-in-law Kevin to pick it up because it was me and I had a baby. Mind you, the phone wasn't near her so she didn't see the number. He picked it up and said you won't believe who it is and she said it's Beth, pick it up! So I said Hi Kevin it's Beth is Amy there? I probably yelled it but I'm not positive. She got on the phone and I yelled, it's a girl,it's a girl and she just started screaming back. I forwarded her the picture and I was on the phone with her when she saw her for the first time. That was thrilling. Then I had to tell Amy that of course she was wright all along about who the Punkin was and since I was so happy I didn't even mind admitting it(and little sisters usually hate to admit when the big sister is wright). Then I started calling and e-mailing friends and other family members. On my way home from work I stopped by the cemetery to tell my mom and show her the picture. I know that's odd to some people but I'm a literal person. When I want to talk to her I go to the cemetery because that's where she is. And I didn't want her to be left out of the best day of my life. I could feel her joy. The picture sat on the passenger seat and I looked at her at every stop light and I'm not even kidding. Then we finished the day celebrating with dinner out and I bought the punkin an outfit. Had no idea what size to buy so went with 6-9 which will probably be too big but she'll fit in it at some point.

So from this point on we can refer to her as Grace. Punkin will be one of my special names for her but Grace will be her first name. She will keep her Ethiopian name as her middle name but I can't post that since I'm not legally her mother yet so we'll refer to that as L. for the time being. Her second middle name will be Elizabeth to honor my mother(it was her beloved grandmother's name) so her full name will be Grace L(Ethiopian birth name) Elizabeth. I'm sorry but I can't post a picture anywhere on the Internet as it's not allowed. If I've told you her birth name, please don't post it anywhere.

I'm sorry if this post has no paragraphs but my head is still swimming. I'm sure I will have more to add when I've had some time to digest it all. Until then, I'm just sitting here waiting for my daughter(Squeal!)to come.

Wait and Ye Shall Receive!!!!!!!

I got the call today at 12:30p.m!!!! The call that has changed my life forever! It's a girl and she is 5 months old and the most incredible child I have ever seen! I can not post her Ethiopian name or a picture but I can tell you that her name will be Grace L(ethiopian birth name) Elizabeth Flaherty. I am beyond ecstatic. I will post details of the call later this weekend when I've had a chance to digest it all.