A Couple Of New Pictures

I still haven't worked out the camera thing yet but I do have a couple of pictures to share. Auntie Andrea and Uncle Rob (my very dear friends) gave Grace and I a gift certificate to have her pictures taken. We had the photos done on Tuesday and I have to say, they're pretty spectacular. She was a little hesitant at first but then her cousin Jacob, who came along for moral support, started singing and dancing for her and that just turned the smiles on. The black and white dress is her Christmas dress and the other dress is one I bought in Ethiopia. She wore it to the coffee ceremony and I just thought it would be great to have a formal picture in it as well. I had to pin the dress as it's still too big on her but I am thrilled with how the pictures turned out.

This one I had done in a black and white and framed and matted. It's positively gorgeous and I should be able to pick it up tomorrow.

We had early intervention out on Monday and it was a great experience. There were three clinicians and they were all really great. Grace does qualify for services for fine and gross motor skills as she measured at a 6 month level. I should hear in the next week or so about scheduling the sessions. Overall, they were quite impressed with her and it was amazing to see how far she has come in the past month. The baby who toppled over when I sat her up can now sit up by herself for over 2 minutes. Quite a big improvement. One of the ladies was working with Grace and she held her hand up and Grace slapped it and she laughed and said, it's like she's trying to high five me. And I said, she is high fiving you. Her cousin Nate taught that to her and if she sees an open hand she'll slap it. When I told Nate he was very impressed that she remembered what he taught her.

Tomorrow we're going to attempt to go to Social Security to get her a social security card. I will have to update the paperwork and do a name change once the adoption is final but I don't want to wait until all of that happens before we get the card. I'd rather just do the update.

The other night I was sitting on the couch giving Grace her bedtime bottle. She often likes to take breaks while eating so I had her standing up on my leg and she was facing me and she broke into a big toothless grin and planted a sloppy kiss on my lips and then snuggled into my shoulder. If feelings could be described in dollars then this was a trillion dollar feeling. All we were doing was sitting on the couch playing and making noises at each other and yet there was such a sense of joy surrounding us and it was like she felt it too. I always had a soft heart but motherhood has turned me into a giant mushball and I couldn't be happier.

I know that my blog sounds full of sunshine and lollipops, and for those of you who know me well, it's not usually who I am. There are hard parts of parenting like when your underweight daughter doesn't want to eat and you don't know how else to coax her into doing it. Or when she wails and it's not a hungry, wet or sick cry or when you feel like you're supposed to know to do something and then realize it never occurred to you. I know that I could still be in the honeymoon phase and I know it's going to get a lot harder and it's all going to be on me. Yet, I feel like I'm ready to handle whatever comes our way. I can't ever recall feeling that way before, but then again, I can't recall having ever been this happy before.

So Much To Say

It feels like I have so much to say but I don't know where to start so I have avoided a real update. But it's the new year, so it's time to stop procrastinating. As of Tuesday we will have been home exactly a month and I will have had Grace in my arms for five weeks. I never realized just how empty I felt until I held her in my arms for the first time. I felt peaceful and calm and content. Sometimes I find myself sitting on the couch giving her a bottle and I just can't believe that she's really mine and I get to love her forever.

I have to say that in scheme of things, our transition has gone very smoothly. She was never strange with me even from the very first meeting. She smiled at me and looked at me with her big beautiful eyes and I completely melted. Our first night home I worried about whether she would sleep in her own room or be scared or cry or be off her schedule. I put her down at 7:30 that night, kissed her good night,turned off the light and she was out until 1;30, woke for a bottle, then went back to bed and slept until 5:30. By the end of the first week, she was sleeping through the night. I know, I'm a lucky mom but my girl loves to sleep. After her bottle we go into her room, change her diaper and put her in her sleep sack. As soon as she sees the sleep sack she starts smiling and kicks her feet because she knows she's going to sleep. I read her a story, put her in her crib, she smiles like crazy at me and looks up her mobile. I wind up the mobile and she puts her two fingers in her mouth and she's out for the count. When I get her up in the morning she is smiling at me as if she's just been waiting to see me. She's just a delight.

We have had many doctor appointments and all in all she's doing really well. She's still pretty small for nine months. We saw the international pediatrician on December 22nd and they changed her formula to neosure which is usually given to preemies. The neosure has more calories and that's really what Grace needs. She has been eating it without any problems and she's put on about 7 ounces in the past week (we had a weight check when I took her in for an ear infection last week) so I know it's working. They were impressed with how alert she is, how she tracks well, has a good grip etc. but they think she's behind on some of the milestones because of her weight. When I got to Ethiopia I was told that she had actually spent a lot more time on the feeding tube that I had realized. She had trouble developing her sucking ability and I think that held her back on her eating. She's up to about 6 ounces a feeding now and we started rice cereal which didn't go well at first. The first week she just cried and spit it out at me. She is one stubborn girl. She can clamp her mouth shut like nobodies business. I mean, I practically had to pry her lips open to get the cereal in and then she would spit it at me. The doctor suggested I try mixing it with fruit or vegetables. I tried bananas and that was a no go but then I tired sweet potato's and that was better. Today was day three of operation sweet potato's and there was no crying or screaming. Yesterday she screamed so hard that her whole body shook and then once I calmed her down she slept for two hours. Today I tried something different at the suggestion of my sister Amy. She suggested that I give her her own spoon to play with while I have a separate spoon. I put a little bit of the cereal on her spoon and she put that in her mouth. Turns out my daughter is a bit of a control freak and likes to be in charge. Just another sign that she's meant to be a Flaherty.

Tomorrow we meet with Early Intervention and I am really looking forward to what they have to say. I think she will qualify for services and I am really anxious to get started on getting her up to speed. I'll post what they had to say.

We had a fantastic holiday. My sister Amy and her family came in from California and it was their first time meeting Grace. Let's just say that I had to frisk them on the way out to make sure they didn't take her with them. She loved them as much as they loved her. She met all kinds of friends and family at Christmas and she did so well. She isn't really strange with people but she does need to know that I'm in the room or hear my voice. As long as she can keep track of me she's OK. The day after Christmas we had pictures taken of all five grandchildren in their matching Christmas jammies. They came out so cute and I can pick them up on Thursday. The photo session did alert me to a quality about myself that I was previously unaware of. If left to my own devices, I could be a stage mother. It was embarrassing. I kept telling the poor girl how to position Grace, having the older kids make sure her head was up....I was such a goober. My sisters have still not let me live that down. I'm having her pictures done on Tuesday so I will be sure to keep myself in check this time!

I had my first uncomfortable encounter. I went into Sally Beauty Supply to see if they could give me some suggestions on products for Grace's hair. I went in with my sister and we met these two pleasant ladies who fawned all over Grace and kept saying she was so tiny. I told them she was 8 months old and then I felt like they must be wondering why I waited 8 months to do something about her hair so I mentioned that we had just gotten home from Ethiopia. One of the clerks looked at her, touched her cheek and said, I can't believe anyone would abandon anyone as beautiful as you. I didn't know what to say, which infuriated me. She wasn't rude, but I was just so shocked that she would make a comment, even though it wasn't mean spirited. But Grace wasn't abandoned and I don't understand why someone would assume she was. I was really more annoyed at myself because I didn't know how to respond so I said nothing. I think I am especially sensitive to this because I met her birth father. I won't share details of the meeting on my blog as I believe it's Grace's story to tell, but I will say that she was not given up because she wasn't loved or because she was an inconvenience. Having met her father, I can tell you without hesitation that he loves that baby and if he thought he had any other option, he would have taken it. I think that he is secure in his decision and knows that she will have a very good life with me, but it doesn't make the decision any less excruciating. If I were to encounter the same situation today I would respond, she wasn't abandoned, she has another family that loves her very much but their situation did not allow for them to care for her the way she deserved. I know this won't be the last time it comes up and it could be in a more disagreeable way so I need to get my standard answers in place.

So all in all, life is very good in our household. I am busier than ever yet most of the time I'm at home and I couldn't really point to what I have accomplished other than a happy baby girl and really, what more could you want.

Sorry there are no pictures this post. My camera is being wonky. I'll post pictures as soon as I get it worked out.

My Christmas Wish

Two years ago this month I made the decision to sign with an agency to per sue international adoption. I was elated, thrilled, petrified,terrified and on top of the world. I had spent years putting my life in order in an attempt to make becoming a mother a reality. In my head, I would either be a mother or would be about to be a mother by the following Christmas. Mind you, this was the made up time frame in my mind, not anything anyone had promised me. In reality, I had no clue that by Christmas 2008 I would have only been on the official wait list for 7 months after almost 6 months of home study and dossier paperwork. Last Christmas was my darkest Christmas ever. I was so down in the dumps and disappointed and it was really hard to keep up a good facade. In fact, I did a terrible job of it.

Fast forward to tonight, about 6 minutes to Christmas and life is completely different. In the room next to mine the most precious baby girl is sleeping soundly after meeting and dazzling a few of her extended family. Tonight I put her in her new Christmas Jammies from Auntie Amy and Uncle Kevin (which happen to match her four other cousins) and read her the two special books I picked out for her, one Christmas, one not, which will be our yearly tradition. That wish I have been longing for is now asleep and has no idea that tomorrow will bring more fun and chaos and love then she could ever imagine. And as I held her close tonight, kissed her beautiful head and laid her down in her crib, I thanked my lucky stars for I had no idea that wishes such as mine were answered so perfectly. Though I have had her in my care for just about a month, it is so clear to me that she is the child I wished for. It had to take this long because last year, she wasn't even born yet. I believe that we're both imperfect humans but that we're the perfect fit to be a family. How lucky I am to be Grace's mother and how grateful I am to have such wonderful family and friends to share the joy with.

May this holiday be as blessed for you as it is for me.

She's Putting On Weight!

We had Gracie's follow up appointment today and she has gained 4 oz since last week and.......drum roll please........she weighs 12 pounds!! She's really making great improvements just in the short time she has been home. She had 3 shots and she howled a bit but she did really well. She's such a trooper. She was especially snugly tonight which was fantastic. She gets that I'm her mommy and that I'm her go to person for cuddles and snuggles. I never believed it was possible to love anyone as much as I love this child.

I must say that mother hood has brought about some changes I hadn't quite expected. I thought I would do bit of a count down just to shake things up on the old blog.

1. Before I had Grace, I could not imagine caring about another person's bowel movements. Seriously, I just couldn't fathom that and the second you become a mother you think "Did they poop today? Was it enough? Was it too much? Was it the wrong color?

2. Purses are over rated. I used to love a good purse. Nothing too pricey but the bigger the better. We were home about 24 hours when I discovered that a diaper bag and a baby carrier did not mix with a big ol' purse. I now have a much smaller purse that fits in the diaper bag. High fashion, no, but believe me, less is more.

3. You can pick up the same room 74 times in a day and you will still probably end the day with it being a mess. When it was just me, it was pretty simple to keep the living room neat. Now, as soon as I pick it up it's messy again. I don't understand how this happens.

4. Dishwashers are not just an appliance, they're your best friend. I used to run my dishwasher once a week. I now run it daily and up until last Friday when I bought some more bottles, I was running it twice a day. I don't know how people survive without it.

5. There are two people in our house but it feels like we do laundry for 8. Honestly, I know babies go through a lot of clothes, but now, so do I. If she spits up it inevitably lands on me and sometimes I can go through a couple of shirts. I have never enjoyed doing laundry so I'm sure this is Karma biting me in the back for some bad deed because I feel like all I do is laundry these days.

6. A baby's giggle should be bottled and sold.

7. Having a baby has solved my insomnia. I'm a really bad sleeper. Well, I was a really bad sleeper. If I got 6 hours of sleep a night it was a miracle and those 6 hours were almost never consecutive. Now, I got to bed and man I sleep until I hear her wake up. Last night I went to bed at 11:00 and she didn't wake up until 6:30 and I didn't wake up once in between.

8. There is tremendous joy in Christmas shopping for your baby. I was in the mall last night and I wished I had a name tag that read "I'm a real mom out shopping for her baby's first Christmas." I was in Sears looking for a little sweater to go over her Christmas dress and I was just thrilled when the sales lady asked if she could help me and I got to tell her I was looking for something for my daughter. It really is the little joys in life that make it worth while.

My dad has been complaining that I have not been posting enough pictures so here are some new ones especially for him.

Bliss

There really is nothing better than sitting at your computer, typing blog entry and trying to keep your 8 month old fingers from the keys while she coos delightful, happy baby sounds. This is exactly what I waited for and I have to say it's better than I imagined. I think I won the baby lottery. She sleeps from about 7:30p.m. until 5:00a.m.. wakes for a bottle and then goes back down for 2 more hours. She likes to lay on the blanket her Auntie Dee made for her and play with her toys and coo and giggle. She ADORES her cousins Meghan and Jake and thinks that are the funniest people on the planet. She thinks her Uncle Dennis hung the moon and her Auntie Kate makes the funniest noises. Wait til she meets the rest of the family!

She's really easy going for the most part. Remember my baby who didn't eat much? well she eats every 3 hours now and you best not be one second late with the bottle or the world will know it. We go for a weight check tomorrow so I hope we'll see an improvement. When we went last week she was 11lbs, 12 oz.

She does cry but mostly when she's tired or hungry but she's pretty easily consolable. Every morning when I walk into her room she greets me with a million dollar smile. Like she's just been waiting for her mommy. When I feed her she holds onto my finger and with her other hand she touches my face. Right now as I type her head is on my shoulder and she is patting me on the back. I cherish every moment because I know it won't last forever. For a long time I wondered if I would ever be a mother and now there is a living, breathing, smiling, pooping baby girl in my house. She is more than I could have dreamed of.

I can't remember the last time I was so excited about Christmas. My tree is up, I'm about half way done with shopping and my sister and her family will arrive next Sunday. This year my parents will have all 5 grandchildren together. What a gift for all of us.

This week Grace and I will be making some visits to my current job and my former job, as well as a visit to my dad's office so he can show off the newest grandchild. She really handles things well. She's really becoming very social and is just a delight. Yes, I'm basking in the new motherhood glow, and yup, my bubble will pop soon enough but for now, I can't imagine life getting much better than this.

We're Home!

What an amazing trip we had. It seems hard to believe that it's only been a little over a week that Grace and I have been together and yet, it's hard to remember life without her. We had a rough plane ride home. Grace was fantastic, I was sick almost the entire ride from Addis to Dulles (about 17 hours) and my sister Kate was sick about half of it. Thank God for the other families in our group who rallied around to help us. But Gracie was a real trooper. Then we got to Dulles and sat on the runway for 4 hours before we took off. So we got into Boston around 6:00 instead of 2:00 but it all worked out. We had a great group of family who came by to welcome us so that was fantastic. She's really doing great. She only woke up twice last night for a bottle and she's back down again for a nap. She really digs the mobile in her crib! I'll post more later about the trip but here are a few pictures of our homecoming

Mommy, Grace and Cousin Meghan

Mommy and Grace's Hands

Baseball Honey(my dad), Grace and Grandma Judi(my step-mom)

Mommy and Grace arricing at the airport

Introducing

Beth is letting me the first one to OFFICIALLY post pictures of my precious niece!! I can barely stand myself I am so excited!!


This is the first picture we ever saw of Grace. I still carry a copy of it in my wallet.

The following were taken by parents that were going to get their children and were kind enough to take pictures of Grace for Beth. It really helped with the wait!