I went to see Jason Mraz

I found the cure for the adoption blues. It's called go to a Jason Mraz concert. Seriously, if that guy can't put you in a good mood you're just not capable of having one. I went with my sister Kate and when we got to our seats we noticed that there was a small stage set up right next to our seats. The small stage was in the middle of the venue. And by next to I mean I could sit in my chair with my hand on the stage, that's how close it was. Anyway, the reason for the small stage? Well, Jason and three of his band members leave the big stage and come to the small stage for the first encore. Yes, I was just feet away from him. And when he left the stage to walk back to the main stage he walked right by me and shook my hand! Yes, he shook my hand! While I swore to never wash my hand again, I did let my normal grownup brain taker over and sadly, I did wash it this morning. But I did think twice about it. I also got two pictures on my camera phone and while it's a great picture of his bongo player, Jason is sadly a little fuzzy. If I ever learn how to get the pictures off the phone I'll try to post them to the blog. But since I've technologically challenged that might not happen. Anyway, it was a fantastic concert and a great lifting of the spirit for me. Now let's just hope there is a referral on the horizon!

I Got Nothin

So, no news to report. I get an update later today from my agency so perhaps there have been some referrals that I haven't heard about but as far as I know, things haven't really started to move yet.

A friend of mine forwarded me an e-mail yesterday of an article that was written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer,Cleveland, Ohio. She made a list of the 45 lessons life taught her. There were a number that really stood out to me so I put them in my blog as a reminder of the lessons I want to use in my own life.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?"
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Those are some great lessons to learn by. I think I really need to start using #25 every time I get upset about a delay in the adoption process. And as a realist, I think I live by #22 though my sisters would disagree, They think I'm a pessimist. Actually, they call me Eeyore from the Winnie the pooh. I think I just prepare for all the possible outcomes and then hope for the best.

So, I'm hanging in there for now. Something is bound to happen sooner or later and in the poetic words of Jason Mraz...."I won't worry my life away". OK, I probably will, but I do try not to. I'm going to see him in concert tomorrow night and I seriously can.not.wait.

14 Months and Counting

Well, here we are at month number 14 of what I thought was going to be an 8-12 month wait. So here's the good news. MOWA has officially reopened. And because good news almost always has bad news attached to it, the court closing has been announced for the middle of August through some September(not exactly sure on when it will reopen). Referrals can be given out during the time courts are closed but no cases are heard which means that the time to travel will be extended. Since I still don't have a referral I wouldn't expect to travel until sometime in December at the earliest. I've resigned myself to another long wait but at least I can be getting ready once I know who the Punkin is. I'm just ready for some movement. Let's see if this is my lucky week!

Back to Worrying

So, as far as I know, MOWA should be re-opened by now, which means that with any luck, referrals will start happening again. While I'm thrilled at that prospect, I do have to admit that yesterday the Sunday dred reared it's ugly head again. It had not appeared during the two weeks that MOWA was closed but a waive of anxiety washed over me yesterday around 5:00p.m. and it won't leave until I get a referral or it's Friday at 1:00p.m. when my agency closes for the weekend. Why the anxiety? Because I spend every free moment thinking about whether or not the call will come today. As much as I tried to stop it, it's completely taken over my life. I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHO THE PUNKIN IS!!!!! Seriously, is that too much to ask for? I mean, I've been patient for almost 14 months! OK.........well, I was patient for maybe 7 of those 14 months. And by patient I mean not calm, but not ripping my hair out. Well, maybe only sort of ripping my hair out. Argh.........OK, fine, hardly patient at all. I admit it. My name is Beth, I'm a Gemini, cant' spell to save my life, love Calvin and Hobbes, Hallmark Movies, Jason Mraz, Bryan Adams and have recently become the most impatient person on the planet. Well, I guess the truth will set you free. I kind of feel better just venting that in writing, even if I might be the only one who reads it.

I know that this will happen. I mean, it's really only a matter of time. I have a friend who got a referral recently and she was nine days ahead of me for the same age range. Of course, there could be 20 families between us or 2. I have no way of telling but there has to be some movement soon doesn't there? Just say Yes, Beth, of course there has to be. Let's face it. We all know I'm getting a little loony at this point so yessing me to death is definitely the best course of action.

Well, vent over. I have to get back to work since my lunch hour is almost over. Let's hope that in my next post I have good news to report.

Hanging in There

I'm happy to report that I have rebounded somewhat since my last post. Yes, I am still disappointed that the closing is delaying my referral but in a strange way, it's been a bit of a relief. Since I know that nothing is happening until MOWA reopens, I don't have the daily stress of wondering if the call will come today. If it comes today will I remember to have my phone with me, will I be able to take the call, will I be near a computer when they call so I can see the picture ASAP? Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to know who the punkin is, but a little less stress has done me a world of good.

So I read an interesting book over the weekend. It's called My Father's Daughter and it's by Hannah Pool. She was adopted as an infant from Eritrea(which used to be a part of Ethiopia years ago) by an English couple who had been told both her birth parents were deceased. It turns out that her birth father was alive, as were several siblings and the book chronicles her trip back to Eritrea to meet them. It was a fascinating book and it brings up a lot of the things I think about on a daily basis. Will they always feel that longing for their birth family? Will they always feel out of place being a black child in a white family? Will they feel more isolated if they have the chance to return back for a visit? Will they feel guilty because others got left behind and they got whisked off to a more stable life? The bottom line is that I can't answer any of these questions. I can't predict what my child's experience will be but I think my responsibility is to always be honest and upfront with what I know and to be a safe place where they can share these feelings. In the book Hannah Pool talks about not wanting to tell her dad that she was going to meet her birth family because she was afraid that it might make him feel like he wasn't enough. I don't want my child to worry that way about me, but I can't guarantee they won't. One of the reasons I was drawn to Ethiopia is that whenever possible, there is a birth family meeting where the adoptive parent travels to the village of the birth family to meet whomever relinquished the child. As emotional as this meeting will be, I'm grateful that these meetings are possible through my agency(not every agency does this). I hope that having pictures, and information about their birth family will help to answer some of the questions they'll have later on. I never want the punkin to feel like their birth family is something we put behind us. It's a part of what brought us together as a family, so why would we want to brush it under the rug? On the other hand, it's their story and I have to be ready to tell it when they're ready to hear it. There's so much to think about and yet, you can't spend too much time theorizing about how you'll handle this when it comes up because if you do, it won't be authentic.

From what I have been told, MOWA should reopen around the 24th of this month and then I'll be back on red alert again. My nephew Jacob (2 1/2) announced to me last week that he is taking matters into his own hands. He said "Dante, I going Epiopia. I take my truck and my rescue rope(he watches a little too much Diego)and I going to get you baby!" I said well, why don't you take a plane and he said "No pane, pane take too long. I gonna do myself!" Too bad his truck is a little red fisher price fire truck and his rescue rope is actually a winter scarf. But hey, it's the thought that counts.

Another Bump in the Road

Well, despite my hope that a referral would happen any day now, there has been another little bump in the road. The Ministry of Women's Affairs (MOWA), the Governmental office that oversees adoptions in Ethiopia has decided to take a 15 day Hiatus beginning on Wednesday for trainings, meeting etc.. That means that there probably won't be any referrals coming out during this time since MOWA has to issue a letter to the adoption agency before the child can be refereed. To say I'm disappointed would be a major understatement. I received an e-mail from my agency on Wednesday just before 5:00 and I barely made it to the parking garage before the sobs started. I thought I was so, so close and to have another slow down was really difficult. Especially since courts will be closing in August for several weeks. It just seemed like too much to take. So I allowed myself to process it and to have a big ol' cry party for the night and that helped. I'm one of those people who just needs to cry things out every once in a while. I know that in a year I'll look back and not even remember this bump but for now, it still feels major. When you've spent 7 years trying to be in a position to have a child and then it's pushed back even a little bit, it's still a blow. So I'm just trying to get on the best I can.

In a happier note, one of my friends in my waiting families group brought home her little girl about a month ago and I got to meet her last night. What a little muffin girl. She is so happy, and engaging and alert and cute as a button. She has a really easy going manner as well. Another little reminder that the wait will all be worth it in the end.

I'll close with a cute story about my nephew Jacob who is 2 1/2. As I've mentioned before, Jacob thinks every plane carries my baby. Last week he was out in the yard and saw a plane above and yelled "Hey Plane, Drop us Dante's Baby! My Waitin for him." My sister Kate and I started laughing and he said "Hey, why you laughing a me? My didn't say anyfing funny!" He's so cute. Even the wait is wearing on the two year old.

Still Waiting and Trying to be Hopeful

So, I'm officially past the 13 month mark. I'm still completely anxious and ready to cry at the drop of a hat but other than that...I'm positively swell. There is some room for positive thinking. Last week another couple from my agency got a placement of a baby and their official wait date was exactly 2 weeks before mine and they waited about 13 1/2 months. So I'm really feeling like it could come at any time. So I'm excited and hopeful and scared and anxious. In other words, I'm pretty much the same I've been for the past several months. Seriously, I'm just ready. I just need to see the punkins face and know who he/she is.

I think the past two weeks have been easier for me since my niece Sarah was here visiting from California. I had such a great time with her. She is wise beyond her ten years and such a funny kid. We went to Newport, RI to tour the mansions and we had such a great time. Those moments with her are priceless. I also got to break in my new camera that I got for my birthday so that was fun too.

Let's hope that I have something great to post in the very near future.