Birthday Party

It's hard to believe but on Tuesday Gracie Lito will be two. Yesterday we had a Minnie Mouse Birthday party and it was a blast. Yesterday was an example of how far she's come since last year. She had fun last year but this year she gets what a birthday party is and that it's fun and exciting. I set most of the decorations up on Friday night so when she woke up Saturday morning and saw them she was beside herself, She kept saying it's my Minnie house party! The party was especially fun because my sister Amy was here from California to celebrate with her. Grace enjoyed the week so much and loved having Auntie Amy stay with us. Auntie Amy and Uncle Kevin also supplied her party outfit. Since they were recently at Disneyland I asked them to pick up a pink outfit with Minnie mouse on it. Uncle Kevin decided that nothing less than a full Minny Mouse outfit would do. They also got her red shiny buckle shoes and they had someone make her hair bows to match. She thought she was all that and a bag of chips. She was so proud to show me after Auntie Amy got her all dressed up. She was jumping around the house yelling Party time, Party time! She had the best day. Still not all that into opening the presents but really enjoys playing with them. She got beautiful clothes, toys, Cd's etc. She's a blessed and loved little girl. So here are a few pictures of the festivities.

Spring Pictures

Today we had Gracie's pictures taken and I am in love with them so I thought I would share!

Making Adjustments

So a couple of posts ago I mentioned that I was readjusting my expectations in regards to what our weekends should be about.  I realized that Gracie needs a lot more down time and I needed to reduce the amount of errands and things I tried to accomplish on the weekends.  So far we're making progress.  We are still having issues with her screaming but it's starting to improve.  I think part of it is because she is getting more of a vocabulary and part of it is me setting her up to succeed instead of fail.  In stead of trying to get to the grocery store, the post office, Target, other errands, etc, all in one morning I try to make it two short errands per day and then more time for fun and playing.  It's been working out pretty well.  One thing I did was to change when and how we grocery shop.  We now go when the store opens at 7:00a.m.  It's far less crowded so we can get in and out faster.  I also choose to walk in the entrance that has a little merry-go-round.  On the way in the store I point out the horsies and say oh, I hope this morning Gracie will get to ride the horses.  If we get through the store with no screaming Gracie gets to ride the horsie.  She's very excited at the prospect but we haven't gotten there yet, although each week we get closer.  As we go through the store I praise her on how well she is doing and that it will be so much fun to ride the horsies if we have no screaming.  Last week we made it almost the whole way through when she screamed because she wanted to color on the shopping list and I didn't have a pen.  When she screamed I simply said oh, Gracie, I'm sorry you won't get to ride the horsie this week.  She looked at me and said "oh no, Gacie cream.  Oh, no horsie!"  She let out one more small scream and while I was sure she was going to fall apart, she pulled it together.  I kept telling her she did a really good job this time but we have to have no screaming to ride the horsie.  On the way out of the store she waived to the horsies and said "bye horsies.  I cream, I no ride you.  I ride you again". I also try to engage her in what we're buying and that helps too. She has developed a love for Jello (ick) so that's her job, to be  on the lookout for the jello.  I am hopeful that one of these Sundays she'll get to ride and every week I come with my quarters just in case. 

I have also come to the realization that I can not do everything and that time with Gracie is more important than dusting and cleaning.  We don't have a large place but with working full time and having a child who really needs more of my attention on nights and weekends, I just couldn't keep up with it.  I can maintain, but the dusting and the really good scrubbing of toilets and sinks just wasn't happening.  After thinking about it for months, I finally decided to hire a cleaning company.  I hesitated so long because it really felt like it was more for me than for Gracie but as my dad reminded me, it saves my time for Gracie and that is the real gift.  The first cleaning was yesterday and can I just tell you, I so wish I had done this sooner.  It was so nice to come home to a beautifully cleaned house with beds made and sheets changed and I didn't have to do it.  Actually, getting ready for the cleaners to come was really helpful because it forced me to get rid of the little piles that were beginning to accumulate.  I feel so much less stress knowing that cleaning is not something I have to try to fit into the weekend.  I'm having them come every other week as every week doesn't fit in the budget.  I could have done once a month but it sort of felt like that would defeat the purpose and since I already knew I could squeeze it into the budget I just went ahead and signed up for bi-weekly. 

So in Gracie news, well, she's just doing so great.  Every day she says or does something new.  Last night we were leaving a restaurant and when we got to the car she said "that's mommy's car",  And I said yes it is and she said "that's Gracie's car too.  You share mommy".   As we were driving home she kept saying "mommy, I kiss you, I kiss you" as she blew me kisses. Everything lately is "mommy watch me, watch me" or "I got you mommy, I got you mommy" and she runs up and gives me a hug.  She's very affectionate and loving and funny.  And she loves for us to sing together.  The new favorite this week is this old man.  I'm ready to move on and make the old man take a nap but Gracie wants to keep singing about him. 

It's hard to believe but she turns 2 in a couple of weeks.  Her birthday party is two weeks from today.  My sister Amy is coming in a week from today to spend her spring break (she's a teacher) with us and to be here for Gracies' party.  Gracie can not stop talking about Auntie Amy coming.  When we're in the car she reminds me Auntie Amy is coming.  When we're going to bed, when she's waking up, when we brush her teeth, when we play with her babies, she reminds me that Auntie Amy is coming.  She can't wait.  We're having a Minnie Mouse party or as Gracie says, Minnie House.  I'm looking forward to it.  I think we're mostly ready with just a few little things to do.  I like to do things in advance so I don't stress about them.  Well, so I stress less about them.  I did decide that this year we're doing a deli plate, salad and some meatballs in the crock pot and are calling it a day.  Last year I did appetizers thinking that would be so easy but really, not so much.  I had to keep putting different things in the oven and then had to keep re-filling.  Far more work than I anticipated.  This year I'm opting for a little more casual.  But it will be fun none the less.

The Hard Parts

I have been thinking about this post for a long time.  I have seen many Mommy's in the blog world post recently about attachment and I thought I would chime in with my thoughts on Grace and I.  In general I think we're really solid.  She knows who mommy is, she looks to me for comfort, for snuggles or just to sit and make faces at each other.  But attachment is an on going process and even though we're both working hard, she does have abandonment issues.  I think people are surprised when I say that because they assume that since she was only 8 months when I brought her home she shouldn't remember any of that.  And while she may not remember details she knows that there were people that loved her that left her.  I have no doubt about that.  She has a much harder time forming bonds with women than men.  I think it's because her primary care takers have always been women and in her mind, she thinks that if I replaced some other lady, some other lady could replace me.  She has absolutely no issues with being left with my sister during the day.  She doesn't feel threatened by her presence and she gets by now that mommy goes during the day to work and that auntie Kate takes care of her and then mommy comes home.  But in other situations or with other people, it can be stressful for her.  Last week we were at a friends house for a play date.  We had a great couple of hours and then it was time to go.  I put Grace's coat on first and she was standing at the door way next to my friends husband and she got this look of panic on her face and burst into tears.  I know what it's from because we see it quite frequently.  It's the fear that she's going off with someone and I am not coming.  It all stemmed from the fact that her coat was on and mine wasn't yet.  And it doesn't help if my coats on first because then she thinks I'm leaving her behind.  I somehow have to figure out how to get both of our coats on simultaneously.  As a somewhat rational person, I understand exactly what she's going through.  She has big abandonment issues but as her mother it absolutely rips my heart out each time to see it.  No matter how many times I reassure her, there is still the fear that I won't come back.  After I got my coat on I picked her up and said Gracie, mommy is coming with you. The whole way out to the driveway, to the car and while I buckled her into the car seat she kept repeating mommy coming, mommy coming, mommy coming.  I wish I knew how to fix this for her but I don't so we have to keep working through it.  Yesterday my parents came to watch her for a couple of hours so I could go have my hair colored.  She was so excited to see them but after a couple of minutes she figured out that this could mean that I was going and she wasn't.  She started acting out and screaming and then when I kissed her goodbye and said mommy will be back in a little while she fell apart.  She recovered in a couple of minutes but that was still with my parents who we see all the time and she adores.  When I came home she was napping and when she woke up and saw me she kept saying mommy home, mommy home.  In some ways I'm comforted that she remembers that when I say I will always come home I mean it.  But my heart hurts for her and all that she's been through.  She still has a lot of loss and grief to work out.  That will be a life long project and it's going to get harder.  Right now it's grief for caretakers but soon enough it will be about her birth family.  I read this blog post this weekend by another single mom and it had me in tears.  Her daughter is a couple of years olderthan Grace but I have no doubt that we'll be in that same situation in a couple of years, if not sooner.  Adoption is such a complicated thing.  You can't just bring someone into your family and say hey, now I'm your mommy so forget everyone and everything that came before me.  She is who she is because of those people and experiences just like being with me and the life we have together will help to shape who she becomes.  But just because she loves me doesn't mean she won't be sad that there is a family she won't know the same way she will know me.  It doesn't mean that she won't resent me for taking her away or that she won't feel badly because she doesn't have a daddy like everyone else because her mommy didn't come with one.  I guess I am just afraid that no matter how hard I try to prepare myself for when these things come up, I will never adequately be able to address them. But I feel strongly that she's allowed to feel what she feels and my job is to let that happen and to continue to help her and love her through it all.  And with all of this being said, it doesn't change my opinion on adoption and I do not for a minute second guess my decision to adopt.  I knew there were going to be really hard parts to this but she's worth going through every bit of this for and I hope she'll feel the same about me some day.

What's New?

Things here are good.  Gracie is continuing to amaze me daily with her language skills.  Now when I call her name she calls back What Mumma?  This morning I asked her where her cup was and she said in da kitchin.  When she couldn't find it in the kitchen she ran around yelling Milk, where are you?  The other morning I was running around like a crazy woman getting ready for work and she said hey mum, you pay me pease?  She's never asked me to play with her before.  She might bring me a toy to indicate she wants to play but she never said it before.  When I tell her I'm leaving for work she says oh, mumma wok, mumma go car.  Car room room room.  I literally come home to something new every day which is fun. 

We went back to the nutritionist a couple of weeks ago and I'm happy to say that she has started gaining again.  She was up over a pound from the previous visit so that was good.  I also met with the GI doctor who was happy with the progress but also always seems to want to remind me of the worst case scenarios if she were to back slide.  One of those is a night time feeding tube.  I very calmly told him that I consider that to be an absolute last resort and unless I have a child who is in medical distress, is losing weight and not meeting her developmental goals, I don't consider that something we need to discuss right now.  He said oh, no, no, I wouldn't do that now.  I said well, I'm glad we're on the same page.  I appreciate him being cautious but she's not unhealthy.  She's long and lean.  It's who she is.  And I'm proud of myself for finally speaking up in a very, very clear manner.  She is back on the appetite stimulant which I think is clear that she still needed.  She is definitely eating better but she will still take longer to catch up weight wise but everything else is going really well.  She is officially out of all of her 12 month clothes because they are too short.  18 months are roomy but we need them for the length so I just roll over the waist if I need to. 

Last month we took a trip to Ohio for a baby shower and to visit friends.  It was a great trip.  The plane ride there wasn't so much fun.  It started when my sister dropped us off at the airport.  I got out of the car to get Grace out of her seat and she thought that meant I was leaving her and she broke into hysterics.  Then she turned into a screaming mess.  I dropped the bag off to be checked and she just sat in her stroller screaming.  We had dinner and the restaurant didn't have crayons so that made her scream.  I let her walk as much as I could and that seemed to help but then when I needed to carry her down the walk way, because I wasn't going to hold up a plane full of people for a slow walking almost two year old, she screamed.  Good times.  I did spend the extra money to upgrade to business class and that was a good idea since we had a bigger seat with more leg room.  However, after 5 minutes on the plane she looks at me and says mumma, I down.  We hadn't even taxied from the gate yet.  Then she told me mumma, I my seat.  Yeah, well, sorry sweetie, mommy is your seat.  It was a rough ride and she finally fell asleep about 30 minutes before we landed.  But the weekend itself was great.  We had a lot of time to hang out and relax at Auntie Andrea's and we met their new puppy Tucker.  Gracie was terrified and infatuated all at the same time.  The baby shower was fun and it was in a church hall that happened to have a nursery off of it so Grace was able to play with the toys while I stood in the door way and saw all the great things that Robin received.  Then Sunday we had brunch with Robin and Ben.  Such a fun weekend.  And then two weeks later baby Noah made his entrance early but he was over 7 pounds and he is a cutie!  We can't wait to go back and meet him in person.  The ride home was far more pleasant with very little screaming. 

So I discovered last weekend that I really need to change our weekend schedule.  I have been using Saturdays to get all of our errands done and Grace showed me that she can't really handle that.  Even though we come home for a nap, it was too much and our weekends were becoming difficult.  So now I know that I have to figure out different options.  It doesn't mean we stay home all day, it just means we pick one or two things and that's it.  That also means that I have to be smarter about getting the rest of the things done.  Maybe I should actually take a lunch hour and do some things then.  I also need to start doing things like grocery shopping after she goes to bed.  I have an unusually great living set up.  My sister and brother-in-law live upstairs so they're happy to take the baby monitor and listen for her if I have to run out.  We have a split level house so I just open the door from my house to theirs and give them the baby monitor.  Anyway, we started this weekend and while we had one issue yesterday while buying a birthday present, in general I think it's working much better for her.  She had more time at home to play and was generally much happier and so was I. 

Well, that's about all I've got but here are a few recent pictures.

What's New

So I thought I would give a little update on how things are with us.  Gracie went back to the nutritionist early this month and as I suspected, she didn't gain any weight from the appointment in November.  I think it was a couple of factors.  1.  She went off the appetite enhancement 2. She is a picky toddler 3. She had a couple more teeth coming in.  So we put her back on the appetite supplement and her eating has definitely improved.  We're also hoping to move her to pediasure 1.5 which has more calories than the regular pediasure.  I actually handled it well since I had prepared for it and I also felt we had a small breakthrough.  The nutritionist finally conceded for the first time that "well, she might just be long and lean".  I said, yes, that's the point I've been trying to make and left it at that.  She's healthy, she's eating and she's growing so that's really all I'm focusing on now. 

Her language is absolutely exploding.  I came home from work last week and asked her how she was and she said Mumma I happy girl! Her new favorite phrase is "No, No Way!"  I asked her if she wanted an egg and she said no egg, I want waffle.  It seems like she has several new words a day.  She was re-evaluated last week by early intervention and she no longer qualifies for services.  She has totally caught up developmentally in a years time.  I'm so proud of her. 

We're also making progress on behavior.  She's actually really good but she has been going through this screaming phase.  I went with a zero screaming policy and put her in time out with no warning  for every single scream.  The first day we had over 40 but by the end of the week she was down to 3.  It has also been much better in restaurants.  I'll tell you that while it's really hard to be on her every time, the consistency has really paid off.  I'm also lucky that she stays with my sister during the day and she has been re-enforcing the rules so that has helped enormously. 

Grace loves, loves, loves to sing.  Last weekend she was supposed to be taking a nap.  I went over by her room to put something away and all of a sudden I heard "Hey dol ditta, heeeeeeeeeeey,heeeeeeeeeeeeey,heeeeeeeeeey".  Yup, she was singing Hey Soul Sister by Train.  I sing it to her a lot because she likes the beat but I didn't realize she knew the tune.  She also sings Baby by Justin Bieber.  If I am on the computer she will come running up and say 'I want O Baby O please".  Then we watch it on YouTube and she rocks out.  Her dancing is hysterical.  She has a lot of shoulder action which is definitely reminiscent of the little bit of Ethiopian dancing I have seen.  She's just so much fun. 

This weekend we're headed off to Ohio for my friend Robin's baby shower.  Robin and her husband haven't met Grace yet so I'm excited for the introduction.  We're also looking forward to staying with Auntie Andrea and Uncle Rob.  Should be a fast but fun weekend. 

And now for the real reason you came to my blog.......the pictures!



Grace and cousin Meghan preparing to root the Patriots onto victory.  I guess cousin Jake knew in advance that the Patriots would blow it since he opted to take a nap during the game.

Go Patriots!

Grace's new favorite thing is to suspend herself between the couch and the coffee table

Just looking cute

Cheese!

Watching Elmo

Concentrating on every word Elmo has to say

Snow Day!

So today we got a foot and a half of snow.  The up side is that I got a snow day since my employer told us yesterday that we were closing today.  I was so happy to have an extra day with Grace and she had a brand spanking new snow suit to break in so we spent some time outside.  She absolutely loved every minute of it.  Her hands are so small that I can't really find gloves that fit them so her gloves kept falling off.  But she had a blast and was furious when I brought her in because it was too cold.  The down side is that the snow blower chose today to break down so Mommy did a lot of shoveling along with Auntie Kate and Uncle Dennis. 



The beloved swing set covered in snow





Why am I sitting on the snow?





This is fun!




I like it but it's cold



Cousins





Jakey all bundled up



Meghan digging for the sleds

Why isn't this thing moving?



Let's go sledding!





All dressed up and ready to go